


Going Under

by ThisArtemisNeverMisses



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Agentsofshield - Freeform, Angst, Captain America - Freeform, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt, Marvel Universe, Romance, The Avengers - Freeform, betrayel, fluff in later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-01-21 05:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21294050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisArtemisNeverMisses/pseuds/ThisArtemisNeverMisses
Summary: You close the door of the conferenceroom behind you. The ongoing discussion was audible, even behind closed doors. You lean against the door and sigh. Apparently you where holding you’re breath, it didn’t occur to you. There was no other way, than to resign as head oversight of the Avengers. It was one big mess and they blamed you. If they would just ask and stop assuming........Working as head oversight for the Avengers is ajob dreamt off. After a party and a kiss, you start crushing on no other then Steve Rogers. Only an event from you’re rookie years, is sabotaging the possibility of your crush evolving into something more.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 14
Kudos: 73





	1. My Immortal

**Author's Note:**

> So, after listening to an Evanescence playlist (disclaimer fort he use of there songtitles form y chapter titles) and bingewatching Agents of Shield, an old idea started to evovle in my mind. I have the plotline written out, just need to fill the chapters. I will try to upload on regular basis. Also, English isn't my first language, I'm trying my best to filter the errors out, but please let me know if something isn't writen right. Love to have a beta-reader (if somones interested) and comments, as long as it's helping me develope my writings.

You close the door of the conferenceroom behind you. The ongoing discussion was audible, even behind closed doors. You lean against the door and sigh. Apparently you where holding you’re breath, it didn’t occur to you. There was no other way, than to resign as head oversight of the Avengers. It was one big mess and they blamed you. If they would just ask and stop assuming.

You could still see the look on there faces. The words Steve spoke, made you’re stomach turn. Did he really think that of you. You ougth that he knew you better. You expected that Lexi and Calli would speak up for you, but hadn’t guessed that they would be silenced by the words of Natasha. They were flabergasted and looked at you, hoping you would speak up. Onestly, you hadn’t and didn’t have the energy to do so.

Wandering to the kitchen, you’re heart sinks and thinks of all the things that happened. You feel shattered, destroyed to the ground, there was little left of the woman you once were. You’re reflection showed a defeated woman, hollow and tired, not the level 9 agent you were. Once you were full of selfesteem, control, elegance, witty mind and all. Sure you were a trained agent, graduated from the academy of communications, data-analyse and oversight as you’re specialism. You guided agents on there mission and eventuelly went on mission youreself. Once you even colleborated with the widow herself. Hell you stood by Shield, when Hydra infiltrated it. Earning you’re own team and a level 9 clearence. When Coulson and Fury asked you to become, the Avengers personel oversight, you welcomed that oppertunity and didn’t think twice. Never thinking about you’re rookie mistake, your emotional rookie mistake. He knew you well, he knew you, not the agent. It was the first time, you let someone see all of you. Gave all of you and you payed a high price, it shattered your heart in peaces. You’ve picked those peaces up and started mending your heart. You even thought you could fall in love again and this shit happened. Your heart was probable shattered beyond repair.

You take you’re cup and head towards the elevator. Pushing the button for the skyline room, you lean against the banaster in the elevator. Staring in you’re cup of hot liquid, the bing of the elevator alerts you’ve arrived on the floor. You order F.R.I.D.A.Y to dimm the lights and take seat in the loveseat in front of the window. For once, you let you’re tears run freely. Another bing of the elevator warns you, that someone is approcing. Glancing towards the elevator you see Bucky walk out. He motions to sit next to you. You look at him and nod.

“So, tell me you’re story.” He asks.

Your eyes go wide and look at him “I doubt my side of the story will be interesting. The others are good at telling there version.” You reply with vile.

“Humor me, doll.” Bucky answers genuine, looking you straight in the eyes.

You wipe away your tears, take a deep breath, “I don’t know were to start” your voice sounds hoarse and shakes.

“How about, at the beginning.” Bucky smiles.


	2. My heart is broken

You wipe away your tears, take a deep breath, “I don’t know were to start” your voice sounds hoarse and shakes.

“How about, at the beginning.” Bucky smiles.

**\-------------10 years earlier-------------**

“Okay, head back too the quinjet. Your path is clear, Agent Hartley.” You reply in your microphone. “Agent Sipps start the quinjet. Agent Hartley and Pegg are heading your way. When you’re in the air, head to the sandbox.” Once you have the confirmation that both agents are on board, you give a final command to the computer and remove your headpiece. You’re relieved everything went well. It’s been almost 5 years since your graduation from the Academy and started as a level 2 agent within the HUB. Working your way through missions and a few promotions. Now you were a level 4 agent and responsible for overseeing and analysing mission from different agents. Most of them found your approach refreshing and a few even asked for your personal assistence during missions.

“I’m going to bed” you notify the agent next to you. For almost 48 hours straight, you worked on this mission. Your eyes felt sore and were burning. What would you do first, bath or bed. Well bed, sounded great.

“Agent y/l/n/, we need tot talk” agent May motioned to follow her. Within half a hour it happened al so fast. You didn’t get the whole information, probable because of the sleep deprivation. But you were on your way, alevel 4 analyst, with a level 8 specialist, no other then Agent Barton. Going undercover, just the two of you and you didn’t know how to feel. Honered, proud, nervous and then anxiety hit you full force, this was your first time in the field. “What would you do when your cover was blown?” you started to hyperventilate and it didn’t go unnoticed by the agent next too you.

“Hey, look at me. It’s going to be oke.” Agent Barton smiles. “You can do this, right? It’s your job. Nothings going to happen, because you can do your job. And I need to do my job, I can’t babysit while doing my job, Agent y/l/n look at me?” Agent Barton demands.

You look in those blue eyes and forget your anxiety for a moment. You inhale and exhale a few times, “Okay, I’m fine, sorry for panicking.” You breath.

“It’s okay, first time in the field?” Agent Barton asks. You nod, maybe this mission wasn’t bad afterall.

**\-------------Timeshift-------------**

“I can’t believe you didn’t listen to me!” you screamed at the archer, slamming the door. Hands fisting angrily, you stare at Clint. “How long have we been on this mission, Clint.” You take a step closer.

“It was a close call, y/n” Clint argued.

“Close call, I was almost done.” You countered.

“It was the best decision and that’s final.” Clint said crossing his arms.

You let out a scream and walk away, going into the bedroom. For a month now, you’ve been on this mission. Twentyfour hours a day, seven days a week, together. There were day that had you arguing and fighting all day. Other days you could work together and even tolerate eachother. Those days were rare, but those were the days you made progress with the mission. Both of you were eager to go back, stop this cherade. God, how stupid were these students, they believed you both were transfer students from Europe, because you were so mature about the study. You couldn’t stand those ditsy girls and oversexed boys.

You stood in the bedroom, untiyng you’re shoes, trowing you’re sweater in the chair. You sigh, it was a close call, both your covers were almost blown. If Clint didn’t kiss you, they would have figured out you were hacking the mainframe. You touched your lips, that kiss, it stil lingered on you’re lips. A blush creeping on your cheeks.

“y/n, I’m sorry” Clint stood in the doorway. You turned around, your eyes connecting with his. They showed more then anger, they were stormy and a shade darker then they are usually. In two big steps Clint crossed the room and stood before you. Searching your eyes for something, breathing unregulated. Closing the gap between you, Clint wrapped his arms around your waist. His heart beating fast, as your face came close to his own. Clint knew that kissing you, would be a death sentence for both of you. He would drag you into something, he wasn’t even ready to face. But in these weeks, he got to know you and he liked what he saw. You were smart, had a caring and adventurous side, a witty mind and your laugh. God, how he loved your laugh. Clint didn’t dare to admit to himself that he was in love with you, he couldn’t be and kissing you would confirm that. He closed his eyes, his lips ghosting over yours, slightly hessitating. Then he kissed you. First soft and slow, waiting for your respons. When you kissed him back, he deepens the kiss. Your hands glide over his muscled arms and decide so settle in his hair. He leaves your lips, to place butterfly kisses along your neck.

You let out the breath you were holding, looking in his eyes, he kisses you again. This time it wasn’t a soft slow kiss, it was more demanding. His lips hard against yours. Filled with hunger, hunger that overwelhmed you, igniting your own desire for him.

You could feel the hesitation in his touch, turning slowly into something more then just a kiss. His hands slide to the hem of your shirt, and pulls it over your head. Your lips connecting once again. While maintaining eye contact with you, Clint tossed of his own shirt. Smirking at you, continuing to kiss you in the croock of your neck. His hands on your waist leading you towards the bed. You fell onto the mattress, while Clint hovers above you, “Are you sure, you want this?”He asks. Trying to steady your breath, you swallow thick and a unsteady “Yes” leaves your mouth. 

**\-------------Present Time-------------**

“So, you slept with Barton, big deal.” Bucky shruggs. “I don’t see the problem” he continues.

“That’s not al, Bucky.” You answer swallowing. For the first time, since you started telling your story, you looked Bucky in the eye. The emotions he could see in your eyes, told the story you had yet to tell. It had broken you, in more then one way. Yeah you were a rookie and probable naief to think it would all go peachy. But what happened after you came back from that mission, noone could prepair you for that.

“Well when we came back to the compound. I was relieved that the mission was over, but also exhieted. I thought what Barton and I had, was speciaal. So I decided that once the debriefing was over, I would go talk to him, about us. But I couldn’t be more wrong, about us.” You trail of, remembering the peng in your heart you felt when you left the quinjet.

Not noticing the extra person, settling in the dark corner of the room. Bucky glanced at him, a cocky grin on his face. ‘That punk.’ He thought.


	3. Good Enough

Not noticing the extra person, settling in the dark corner of the room. Bucky glanced at him, a cocky grin on his face. ‘That punk.’ He thought.

Steve came in halfway through your story. He knew you slept with Clint, but had only heard the shredded version from Clint and Natasha. He felt guilty for not asking about your version of the story. Yes he was faithful to his friends, but that didn’t mean he should believe them on their words. When a discussion arose during the briefing of the next mission, Steve began to doubt his decision. The information you told was called into question by several members of his team. What you told was not taken seriously, that started to annoy him. When Natasha made a stinging remark towards you, that was the final straw. Your team stood up for you, taking what you were accused of not seriously. When Sam, Cint and Natasha again commented on your way of wooing your way into teams, Lexi and Calli were dumbfounded. Avery slammed his fist on the table and Owen stood up, slamming the chair tot he ground. Inlightning a fight. They were so engrossed in taking you down and standing up for you, that they hand’t even noticed you. You sat in your chair, stoic looking out at you and keeping you from any comment. Steve had been watching you all this time. You emotionless face, you stared in front of you, unshed tears filling your eyes. Did they have the right to treat you like this, to say these things? You had closed you eyes, exhaled and decided to leave. In all the ruckus, nobody realized that you had left the room, except for Bucky and Steve. Bucky was the first to go after you. 

After Steve saw you leave the meeting and Bucky soon followed you. He thought it was more than just time, to ask you about your side of the story. Seeming that his team was turning against you and your team. He followed Bucky following you. And here he sat, listening to your story, hoping his friend wouldn’t give away his position in the back of the room.

“So…”Bucky looks at you, hoping you would continue.

“Well, we were in the quinjet. Actually when I think of it, I should have noticed his change in behaviour” you comment, realising how silent Clint was back then and the awkward conversation you had on your way back.

**\---------After the mission (10 years ago)---------**

Sitting oposit of eachother in the quinyet, you locked eyes, smiling a sligh smile. Thank God, everything went well. You smiled remembering the kiss, Barton gave you before you two left the hotelroom. Taking a glance at him, while the quinjet settle down in the hangar, your stomach flutters with butterflies. After debriefing you would take a shower and head towards Clints room. There you would talk about how to handle the situation and what was appropiat in public. Were relationships between agents even allowed? You started blushing thinking about your intimate moments and the once yet to come. Maybe you could sneeck around for a while, before talking to directeur Fury about it. You were so in your thought, you didn’t notice Clint leaving. After taking you’re dufflebag, you walked out of the quinjet.   
  
The scene before you, got you rooted to the ground. Next to agent Romanof stood a woman with long brown hair. Clint walked a few steps before you. Looking up, Clint noticed her and started running. Taking her in his arms in a thight hug. Kissing her deeply, smiling. To make matters worse, he bent down too her belly and talked to it. He looked at you and once you had eyecontact he looked away. Guilt written all over his face. Clint had let you on, let you believe there was a chance of some kind of relationship. He initiated the kiss, made love to you, not once telling you about her or a baby.   
  
Blinking a few times, while swallowing hard. You tried to compose yourself, not noticing that agent Romanof was standing next to you. “Everything alright Agent y/l/n?” Agent Romanof asked.  
  
“Yes ma’am, ready for debriefing” you answered. Tucking your emotions, still blinking like crazy, hoping those unshed tears would go away.

Debriefing went by in a flash, you responded automatically to the quenstions and didn’t pay attention towards new information. Agent May escorded you to director Fury’s office.

There you were, in his office, talking to him and agent Coulson. “Agent y/l/n. Thank you for your good work. It seems we underestimated your abilities. The collaboration between agent Barton and you, ensured us off alot of information. We can take the next step, eventually be one step ahead. We think you are valuable for our beta team. We would like you to join them as a level 6 analyst.” Fury said.

“Thank you, sir. That’s generious. I don’t know what to say. Are you sure?” you answer.

“Agent, you’re good, but do not ever, question my decisions.” Fury warns. “ Now go and get you’re badge upgraded and pack you’re belongings.”

“Why do I need to pack my stuff?” you ask looking from Fury to Coulson and back again, “Because, the beta team operatas from an airbus.” Coulson answers.   
  
“Owh, I see, just like your team.” You murmor to yourself.

“Agent” Fury looks at you, “One, more thing. There is one things, that didn’t go onnoticed. Will that become an issue in the future? Or can you handle it?” he asks.

You swallow, oh shit does he knows. “No sir. They won’t.” You answer, excusing yourself and walking out.

Walking towards Fury’s secretary, you see Clint walk in. Hoping you could make eye contac, you look at him. Maybe you two could talk about what happened in the hangar. He walks towards the desk, he stands beside you, not looking at you. “Heard you made promotion to level 6.” He says cold, looking at the wall.

“Yes, I did. Just talked to director Fury.” You swallow, getting more nervous by the minute.

“Sleeping, with an high level agent, doens’t make you earn an promotion. It’s climbing the stairs on your back.” Clint answers vile, he still doens’t look at you.

“I earnt that promotion to level 6. And you know that as well, agent Barton” You angry emphasize the agent, turning towards Clint.

Clint shakes his head. “If you think so.” He adds smirking.

“I’m sorry, you feel that way. Agent Barton.” You answer with a cracking voice. “I assum, it’s what you tell yourself, to ease your mind about sleeping with me, while you have a pregnant wife. Don’t worry, I won’t tell. Thank you for the lesson learned.” You look at him, demanding he look you in the eyes, trying to hide your own tears.

“I didn’t think you were that kind of person, Agent Barton. You seemed nice and kind, someone who cared and eventually wanted to have a relationship. Not the person, who thinks I would sleep my way up. I ought you knew me better agent Barton.” You say swallowing hard, disgust is all over your face. 

“I don’t think..thats whats been said” Clint replies awkward, he didn’t listen to a word you said.

“Been said?” you ask, registering what Clint was saying.

“Agent Ca..it doens’t matter. You made assumptions about us. That was not my intention. We..uhm..there is no we, no playing house.” Clint bitterly said, avoiding your glance once again.

“No, not with me, but you already are playing house. Forgot to mention that to me didn’t you” Your voice shakes, thankfully the secretary has finished the paperwork. “Goodbye agent Barton” You walk out of the office, once on the other side of the door, you let out a breath you were holding. What a shitty situation, thank god, you didn’t have to see his face anytime soon. It would take a lot of time for you to mend your broken heart. 

**\---------Present Time---------**

“So”, you sigh. “That’s the beginning of my story..that's my version of the story” You look at Bucky who's processing everything you've told sofar. “I can’t tell you, how Clint would think of me as such a person, I think he just assumed that was my plan or someone planted that idea in his mind.” You add, looking at Bucky. His eyes were wide and staring at you.   
  
“For fuck sake Bucky say something.”  
  
“I.....how....the story” Bucky managed. “It’s all out of context. Why start the lies?” He asks.  
  
“Yeah, tell me about it. Can’t give you an answer.” You take a more relaxing pose. You didn’t notice the glance Bucky gave Steve, who was still sitting in the back of the room. Head bowed and hands in his hair. Steve felt his stomach turn, how wrong he was. How wrong they all were.

  
“How could it get so out of hand?” Bucky continues.   
  
“Well, to get to that point, I need to tell you what happend two years ago. It has to do, with my crush…on…Steve” you continue your story, blushing feveresly.

Steve raises his head, what was his role in your story. Oh god, what did he do? Wait what, she has a crush on him too?  
  



	4. Broken

“How could it get so out of hand?” Bucky continues.   
  
“Well, to get to that point, I need to tell you what happend two years ago. It has to do, with my crush…on…Steve” you continue your story, blushing feveresly. Steve raises his head, what was his role in your story. Oh god, what did he do? Wait what, she has a crush on him too?

“After that day, I left the compound and joined team beta…” you continued.

**\--------------After your talk with Clint--------------**

After your encounter with Clint, you made sure the most important belongings were packet. Without saying goodbye to your colleagues you walked to the hanger. The quinjet that would bring you to the airbus of team beta, stood waiting. Glancing back at the hangar and the attached compound, you remember all the good times you had here. It was where everything started. Where you grew as an analyst, had your first mission as an agent. It was also the place you were humiliated and broken. Your faith in love was damaged, maybe even darkened. You had your flings, but you had never ventured into a relationship. At least if you could call this a relationship. Twenty-four hours on each other's lips, maybe it was normal to get feelings for one another? Did you overreact?

Taking your seat in the quinjet, you rethink the events that happened recently. His kiss, the way he touched you, the burning sensation that you still feel on your body. The way your heart shattered when you saw him with his wife. You feel tears forming in your eyes. Thinking about that morning after you had seks. You stayed in bed, talking about what you want most. How Clints perfect day would look like and how he would spend it with the one he loves. At that time, you thought he was talking about you. You were so wrong. The way his eyes looked at you, how he held you and made love too you for the second time, taking his time, savoring every little bit of you.  
How could he do that to you, to her, to their unborn child. You felt nauseous of the idea you were a homewrecker. It didn't help that Clint had treated you wrong in the office. "Sleeping my way up, huh as if" you mumble to yourself. Thinking of it, who was agent ca..and what had he or she told Clint about you, telling him lies. Your thoughts were interupted.  


“Is this seat taken?” a young woman with braided dark red hair asks. She is about your age and casually clothed. You look at her with sad eyes, barely registering her question, she excuses herself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturbe you. Are you alright?” She said looking concerned. Wiping at the corner of your eyes, swallowing before speaking “yeah, no..no I’m fine” you say scraping your throath. “What was your question” you ask looking at the young woman.

“I wondered if this seat was taken. It will take a while before we get tot he hangar where the airbus is located” she says smiling. “Sure sit down, just me, myself and I” you smile. “Oh good, you have a split personalty too.” The woman laughs and for the first time, since feeling so miserable you laugh. If she is part of the team you’re going to work with, it could be fun.

“Im Lexi Star, beta’s engineer” she says while holding out her hand. “Hi, I’m y/n, soon to be analyst of beta team.” You answer shaking her hand. “Welcome, to our team. It’s going to be fun. I think you’ll fit wright in. Seems we have the same kind of humor.”Lexi smiles, her whole face lights up. You’re going to like her, you already know that.

During your flight, you two chat about all kinds of stuff. How you were trained at the academy, complaining about your professors, to your first assignment as an missionanalyser. When Lexi asks you if you have any field expierence, you quickly answer with a yes and change the subject.

Arriving at the hanger, you see agent Coulson talking to a tall man in a suit. Could it be that, this was agent Robbins? You’ve read about him in the files you got. Walking towards the two men, you adjust your cloths and check your hair in a window.  
  
“Ah, agent y/l/n, you’re here.” agent Coulson says smiling. “I was just telling agent Robbins, how lucky he is with you on board. I’m very pleased about your work. You got a goodone Robbins. And if you let her, she could be more then just an analyst” agent Coulson says while patting agent Robbins shoulder.   
  
“Well then, I will do my very best to let her use her full potential.” Agent Robbins smiles at you. “Come agent y/l/n, I will introduce you to the rest of the team”. 

You two walk towards a group off four people, two woman, ofwhich one is Lexi and standing next to her is a tall woman, with long black hair. The two men are discussing something on a tablet. One of them is tall and has broad shoulders. His haircolor stand out, he has strawberry blond hair. The other has a very short hairdo and is two to three inches smaller then the other guy.   
  
“Y/N, this is Agent Callie Strong, bio-chemist of this team” agent Robbins says, while you shake the tall black haired woman hand. “You've already met Agent Lexipedia.” agent Robbins laughs, Lexi turns her eyes, “That joke is getting old, Finn.” Lexi adds. “These are Agent Owen Lake and Avery Rhinebeck, our fieldagents.” Agent Robbins points toward the strawberry blond man and his teammate. “Well team, this is our new analyst, agent y/l/n.” agent Robbins introduces you. “Lets get this thing in the air and I will brief you about the upcomming mission. Agent y/l/n, Agent Star wil show you, to your room.” Robbins says before heading towards the coackpit.   


**\--------------Forward 8 years--------------**

You stand infront of the mirror. Tonight would be the night. After almost 8 years you head back to where everyting started. Sinds that day, you never went back, making sure every contact you had went via e-mail or video calls.

Looking at your reflection, you ask yourself if you look okay and your thoughts even go to Clint for a second. You shake your head and skold yourself for even thinking the slightest about him. You pull at your dress, which is a black sleeveles a-line dress. It goes to your knees and has a lace embroaded bodice. You’re skirt is made of tule and you wor black high heels on. You felt elegant and pretty in it, it made your girly side scream. Your smockey eye make-up and romantic hairdo made you look gorgious. Turning again you look how your skirt twirls and the sound the tule makes you relax. You would have fun tonight and noone would stop you. There’s a knock on your door and Lexi comes in. “Wauw, you look stunnig” she compliments. “Thanks Lexi” you answer shy.

“Well, ready to party” Lexi asks while dancing. “Lets get wasted” Avery yells while crashing into your room. “Get out Avery, only ladies alowed” Callie says walking in and shoves Avery out of the room. “Well, that leaves you out” Avery mockinly says, “Love you too honey.” Callie answers smiling, while flipping him off.

“So before we go to the party. Are there things we need to know.” Callie asks smiling mischievous.

“Like uhmm has Bucky have bad breath or how much alcohol can Sam hold? Whats Thor’s soft spots.” Lexi gigles, her face is getting redder by the minute.

You smile, “Sorry guys, I can’t give you an answer. I don’t know them. The Avengers didn’t excist during my time in the compound. I can only tell you to watch out for Clint Barton. He’s an asshole.” You say staring into space.

“Oh…do tell.” Callie smiles a devilish smile. “Are you speaking out of experience.” She asks wiggling her brows. “You got yourself a piece of the Bartonpie.”

“Yeah and it tasted bittersweet.” You answer softly.

Lexi looks at you, seeing the shift in your appearance. You look at yourself in the mirror, blinking a few times. After all these years, you still felt the pain in your chest. The pain Barton caused by crossing you.

“You..you don't have to talk about it.” Lexi says seeing how you try to controle yourself. “Its okay” you breath. “Lets talk about it on our way over to the party. Maybe telling you about it, will help me finale close it. Hell, maybe it will even help me face him tonight if I would encounter him.” You say taking your purse and leave your room. 

**\--------------Present Time--------------**

“I don’t understand what Steve has to do with this sofar.” Bucky interrups you.

“I will get there, you see, I encountered Clint at that party and fled to the balcony. But we're getting ahead of things. I know the story is long, but you gave me the chance to tell my version. I don’t want to let anything out.” You say looking at Bucky. He could see te determination in your eyes.


	5. Call me when you're sober

“I will get there, you see, I encountered Clint at that party and fled to the balcony. But we're getting ahead of things. I know the story is long, but you gave me the chance to tell my version. I don’t want to let anything out.” You say looking at Bucky. He could see te determination in your eyes.

“So, when I was outside, there was someone else."

“Steve” Bucky clarifies. “Yes, Steve was there too. He also fled from the party. I believe he had just buried Peggy and absolutely no desire to party.” You add.

“We started talking, forgetting what was happening inside and..” you drift off.

Bucky looks at Steve. Steve nods, he remembers that night well. You two had such a interesting conversation. You had such a beautiful charachter, sincere, straightforward, but also loving. He was immidiately infatuated by your presence. How could he have forgotten that. He still remembers the black dress you wore and how the evening breeze had mingled with your parfume. And then it hit him right in the face. Steve stared wide eyed at Bucky, Oh god, what an ass, had he been.

**\------------At the party------------**

Walking out of the quinjet you look up to the tall building before you. You remembered the building differently. Higher, darker, maybe even bigger, but that could have to do with the bad memories you had of this place. Lexi, Callie and Avery walk ahead of you. Talking busy about there expactations of the party. You walk slowly, counting your steps and your hand nearly strangling your purse. Breathing out heavily, ”you can do this” you whisper to yourself.

“You okay?” Owen asks from behind you. Looking at him smiling slight, “Yeah, I’m fine.” You answer. Owen smiles at your answer. “You know what fine means, don’t you.” You look at him questionly. “Freaking out, insecure, neurotic and emotional” Owen answers looking at you. “Owen, I’m fine.” You smile, but your voice cracks a little. “Come on, lets get inside” you say while grabbing him by his arm. “Thank you for caring” you say without looking at him, you can’t do that wright now, you would burst into tears. Owen was wright, his definition of fine, was exactly how you were feeling right now. 

The party was well visited. It seemd like everyone from shield was present. When entering the party, Avery and Owen were gone soon. They had this crazy idea of challenging Thor to a drinking competition. Those poor wretches didn’t know what they were doing. Callie and Lexi stayed with you. When you told your story on the way there, they didn’t know what to say. They were speechless, how could anyone do such a thing? How could agent Barton claim you were sleeping around to get promotions. You were the kind that worked hard and didn’t expect much. After 8 years of working with you, they knew who you were. To them you were an open book, not only were you hard working, but caring and loving too. Your team was a strong team, but it wasn’t just a team, you were close friends to. Owen and Avery were your ‘big brothers’, when there was trouble, the two of them would solve it. Seeing how anxious you were, the team decided it wasn’t for the best to let you wander around alone at this party. Yeah you had a great team, you couldn’t ask for anything more. They made you feel human again, made you laugh, care and have fun. They were there for you, when you most vulnerable, without asking what the cause was.

You were walking around mixing with the crowd. Occasionally you stopped to talk to a group of people. You had an interesting talk with Pepper and Tony about an possible update of your server. After speaking to some old colleagues Callie excused herself going to the badroom.

There you stood, all alone, waiting for your friends to return. Callie wend to the bathroom and Lexi wanted to get drinks for you three. You take a look at where Avery and Owen are. Both have a red face, Avery stands shaky on his legs. You hear Owen talk and know he has had enough to drink. Poor boys, they didn’t stand a chance against Thor.   
  
"YN" you hear a soft voice say. You recognise that dark silk voice out of a million. Slowly you turn around. There he stand, handsome as always, in casual clothing and his characteristic leather jacket. His hair in in a messi do and a smile on his face. His eyes, oh, those beautiful blue orbs. He looked at you, his eyes showing no emotions, at least you thought, years ago you could read them, but couldn’t at the moment.  
  
You swallow, “Hello agent Barton.” You answer a little bit shaken. Just keep calm, don't get nervous. He can’t make you feel that way anymore. You try to calm your breath and even out your shaky voice.  
  
“You look stunning” he says, taking you in from head to toe, likking his lips, hoping you would’nt notice. When he first saw you, you were a girl in her early twenties. Now before him stood a woman. It had been eight years, since you last saw him in the office of Nick Fury. Eight years of guessing. How you were, how you looked like and if you had other relationships. He never stop yearning for you, but he was bound to the promise he made, the life he built, after you left.  
  
“Thanks you”, you answer soft. Breath, just breath. You feel your face blushing. It had been eight years, you left all those feelings behind you. Just get a hold on yourself and let him see, he doesn't have that effect on you anymore.  
  
“So how are things going?” Clint ask while fidling with his weddingband.  
  
You look at his hand. He never wore his weddingband before, not while he was in the compound nor during his missions. It felt odd to see him with it. “Everything is oké. You know busy with everything.” you answer casually.  
  
“Stil working with team beta on the Airbus? Or did you get stationed elsewere?” he adds with a cocky smile.   
  
And there it is. The hint of disgust. The unspoken aqusation of sleeping with your superior for promotion. He didn’t change his opinion about you, it sadens you, but you won’t allowe him to see that. Your eyes harden "I think you're mistake me for someone else. I didn’t sleep around to get promotion." You answer looking angry at Clint.  
  
I'm not mistaking. If I remember correctly, we where on a mission and we slept together. After the mission you got promoted too level 6." Clint said mockingly, his Eyes had a dangerous glint to them.  
  
"You remember correctly, about the mission part. But couldn’t be more wrong about the promotion." You answer disgust all over your face. "If you would excuses me, agent Barton." you walk past Clint, trying to leave, when he speaks up, eyeing you from the side.  
  
" You know I'm an Avengers know. Maybe you could make another promotion." Clint smiled mockingly, hopefully you wouldn't notice the pain in his eyes. He longed for you, but knew to well he couldn't have you. He had broken his promiss to you, lost all trust that Laura had in him and disgrassed his son for having feelings for you. Maybe he was childish, but he would rasther have you hating him, then see that longing feeling in your eyes. Thinking about the way you moved beneath him, made him groan. "You forgot how you made me feel, when you broke my faith and dragged my spirit down. Thank you for the pain, it made me raise my game." You spat at him, looking one final time at Clint and walked away. Once your out of his sight, you let out a shakinly breath. You take a glass of champagne from a waiter and head outside. After that encounter, which you handelt quite well, you need some alone time.

Its been eight years since you saw Clint, three since you could move on and give it a place. All of it, heel he was on your mind the last few days. Getting that freakin invitation made you nervous. But never guessing, you would see so much emotions in his eyes when you said those final words. It looked like he let his guard down and showed you what he really felt.

"Keep telling yourself that, don't be foolish. You've moved on." you whisper to yourself while walking on to the balcony. Feeling the breeze of air tickling your arms. You decided to lean on the railing and look at the twinkling and moving lights beneath you.

"It seems I'm not the only one looking for a little peace." a dark and smooth voice startles you. Walking out of the shadows is no other then Steve Rogers.

“Captain Rogers you scared me.” You look at the person behind you. “Sorry that was not my intention. It looks like we both don't need a party.” Steve stands beside you.

“No you’re right, on this party there are only assholes. Sorry for my language.” You drink the glass of champagne empty in one go. Eyeing Steve, his reaction over his face, “No offense.” You replay.

“Non taken.” Steve shuckles a little. “And your reason not to party is..” you ask Steve, but see the tears in his eyes. “Oh sorry, I didn't mean to invade into your personal problems.” You turn towards the citylights, better let him handle it his own way.

“No, it's okay. Two days ago I buried one of the most important people in my life. You can imagine that I don't need a party. Drinking the light out of me doesn’t work, because of the super serum.” Steve answers bitterly.

  
“Oh tell me about it. Sometimes you would like to disapear and say fuck yourself world.” you smile, looking at Steve “Atleast I would say that, not sure you would.” You continue, Steve laughs his chest rumbles, it feels good to laugh.

“Yeah i know that feeling all to well..would like to do that right know.” Steve says while looking at the sky. His face shows so much emotions, grieve, worry, lost and mostly anger. 

“Who was he or she.” you ask soft touching his hand.

“She.” Steve smiles, “She was my first love and..”

You two talk for a while, you tell about your encounter, well knowing not to name names. You wouldn’t dare to create a rift in this team. Steve tells you about Peggy and what an impact she had in his life, even after being iced for such a long time. You laugh, even cry a little, but mostly you enjoy each others company. Time pases slowly and you both payed no attention to what happened behind you at the party.

At some point you stood closer together. For a moment you looked deep into each other's eyes. It felt seconds like time stood still, until Steve stepped towards you. He took your face in his hands and gave you a little chastice kiss. A little peck on the lips. After opening your eyes, you see Steve looking at you. Searching for your consent, was it oké? Did he cross a line, ofended you, his eyes were stormy, emotions all over his face.

You smile "Well Captain, if this is your way....." You began but Steve stopped you mid sentence smashing his lips in yours. His hands shifted from your face to your waist and guided you to a dark corner of the balcony. His kiss changed from sloppy to passionate. Soft and then demanding. It was a rapture of emotions put into one kiss. The heat rose in your cheeks as his tongue touched yours, quick and electric. Enchanting you over and over again, with every kiss, both of you were lost in each other. The intens and demanding kisses became soft butterfly kisses, just long enough to savour your lips a little longer.

Steve stops kissing and looked at you. He had wierd look in his eyes, what was wrong? Your lips felt swollen from this little make out session. "Well that's a way too say goodnight." you smile looking at Steve. Steve snaps out of his thoughts. "I'm sorry.. I shoudn't have done this." He said avoiding your gaze, cheeks red of shame. "..I... need to go, Captain Roger." You say greeting him, blinking away the tears in your eyes. Not again, please note again. You walk away from Steve, the party and head towards the quinjet. You couldn't stay any longer on this party. It was full of assholes.

She watched you leave, anger all over her face. How dare you kiss Steve. How dare you invade in this relationship she is trying to built. She wants him for herself and you interfering with that plan, was something she didn't thought about. Good thing she had an ace up her sleeve.

**\------------Present Time------------**

“So that was my first meeting with Captain America.” You look at Bucky, the pain all over your face. “As if it wasn't enough for one of you to fool me, another one was added. Just when I started to get a little hope, he undid it with one sentence. I was foolish, thinking that someone was genuinely interested in me.” Wiping away your tears, telling your side of the story evoked so many emotions.

“Yn stop it, that’s nonsense.” Bucky says angry, “If I thought about you in that way, I wouldn’t bother asking you, your side of the story. I’m sorry for that ass of a best friends. They way he reacted is not okay.” Bucky said smiling mockinly, taking a slight glance at Steve.


	6. Lithium

“Y/n stop it, that’s nonsense.” Bucky says angry, “If I thought about you in that way, I wouldn’t bother asking you, your side of the story. I’m sorry for that ass of a best friends. They way he reacted was not okay.” Bucky said smiling mockinly, taking a slight glance at Steve.

“The next day we had to report to Fury in the Avengerstower. Steve was also there, he apologized to me.” You smile, remembering your talk with Steve.

**\-----------------After the party-----------------**

"y/n, where were you. We were looking for you." Callie and Lexi walk into the quinjet, both of them draging one of the man of your team. Both were shitface drunk, and clinging onto Callie and Lexi. "Fury wants to talk to us about..." Lexi stops talking, seeing your face. Your eyes are red and your make-up is running from the tears you've shed. "Fury can wait." Callie says and starts the engine of the quinjet. "Let's get back to home."  
  
The next morning, you're up early, trying to connect the server for updates. Sipping at you're freshly brewn cup of coffee, you welcome Owen into the room. He complaints about the noise you're making and the pounding headache he’s got. Offering him a cup of coffee, makes him hurl and sprint for the badroom. You chuckle at his failed attempt to outdrink a God.   
  


Everyone is slowly waking up and joining you one by one in the commen room. Owen and Avery hiss at every sound and wear sunglasses, dramatizing their hangover. Once the team is compleet Robins start to brief you on the request of Fury. Ordering you to leave as soon as the briefing is over.

You’re sitting in the quinjet, nervous as hell, chewing your lip. What had Fury to talk about, that it even couldn't wait a day. After that short briefing, Robins had sent you off to the Avengerstower. Excluding all important information for you.

You look around in the quinjet, Lexi and Calli are chatting while in the cockpit. Owen and Avery have a death aura surrounding them. What an idiots, not man enough to handle their hangover. What if Fury wants to split the team up. For nearly 8 years they where your home, your family. The ones that stoot by you through every important event. Thinking of saying goodbye, made you sad. You shake the thought out of you’re head and decide to join the girls in their talk. 

  
Once you where in the tower, Hill had ordered all of you to sit in the kitchen/diningroom. Avery and Owen were hidding in the corner of the diningroom. Trying to get some sleep. Callie sat on a stool and Lexi decided too sit ontop of the counter. You were pouring yourself a cup of coffee, really needing the caffeine shot. Callie was talking about a guy she met yesterday and how sloppy his kisses where. She compared him to Lassie the dog. Lexi almost fell backward from the counter. Igniting another wave of laughs. It felt good to laugh, the events yesterday made you feel like that rookie agent of 10 years ago. You were a grown woman and didn't need to apoligize. Nor be treated like a nobody. Owen yells at you for laughing to loud. Having a pounding headache and feeling like shit. "Well, you should't drink that much if you can't hold it." you yell the last part, earning a growl from Owen.

Your conversation gets interrupted with the distant sound of two low voices chatting. Rounding the corner were Steve and Bucky. Steve stopped talking, once he saw you standing in the kitchen. He looked at you, but didn't make eyecontact. Seeing the supersoldier before you, made you blush. An electric jolt goes through you, remembering last nights kiss. How his hands where everywhere, how he kissed you and they made you feel dizzy.

"Y/N can we talk?" Steve interupts the silence, looking at you, ignoring the looks from the others. Earning a low hustle from Bucky, Avery and Owen. "Oh, sush you guys." Setting your cup on the contour. "Do not, I repeat do not touch my coffee! I mean IT Avery, don't touch it." looking at Avery who flipps you off.

Lexi squeezes your shoulder, looking worried at you. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Callie winks at you "Oh, and don't forget to make a fist with you're thumb on the outside. It won’t break your tumb, when you hit him!" She shouts after you.  
  


**\-------------Your talk with Steve--------------**

  
"Listen y/n I want to apologie for my behaviour yesterday." Steve starts, his hands in his pockets and trying to make eyecontact.

"Tjee, ya think." snapping at him, avoiding his eyes. There so mesmerazing. Even if he treated you wrong, you still feel a pull towards him. You feel a little flame in the pit of your stomach. The effect that Steve has on you, feels disturbing. Are you even ready to let all of those feeling into your life again? 

"Could you at least look at me, I'm trying here." Steve moves closer, demanding a reaction from you. Taking a step back, your back hits the wall behind you. Were you a trained agent, well so much for checking your envirenmont and exits-point. Great strategie.

Breathing out, you look Steve in the eye. "What do you expect, Captain Rogers?" You bite at him, oh god he stands so close, he's so freaking tall. With one step, he could close the gap between you and him. You would stand chest to chest, feeling how the other breaths. Just you're uniform sepperating your bodies from eachother. You become aware of his warmt and scent, your breathing speeds up. This doesn't go unnoticed by Steve. "Are you okay?" He asks concern in his voice.

"I'm fine." You snarl, letting out a shaky breath. Why does he have that effect on you. There is a logical explanation for all of this, you're sure of it. Maybe it's because of your lack of sex, yeah that's logical. 

"Really, it seems too me, your breathing irregular and your face is flushed." Steve leans in closer, closing the gap between the both of you.

"Are you really fine." he whispers in your ear. If your weren't that mad at him, you would jump him. How you loved to rome your hands over his chest, tracking every muscle. Your breath is caught in your throat, biting your lip.

Steve leans back, enough to make eyecontact, "It doen't seem like your fine." he says while ghosting his lips over yours. You only have to lean in and you could kiss him. Likking your lips, seeing Steve looking at them, makes you desire him even more. Does he want this too? Should you take the leap?

Within a second the moment is over and Steve takes a step back. You immediatly miss his warmt and regret not responding to his almost kiss.

"I was out of line, I didn't want to intimidatie you. You.....have an affect on me and I don't know what to do with it." Steve confesses bashful.

You smile at his confession, a color spreading over your cheeks, looking to the ground. Should you confess to? Steve’s feeling bolt and leans against the wall, capturing you between him and the wall.

You look up into his eyes, they show how sincerely he meant this. You let out a sigh "Well Captain..," you start.

"Hey Cap, were expected , briefing starts in 5." Clint interrupts. He sees you standing with Steve. Greeting you with a grin. Just fucking great, out off all people, this asshole does see you talking to Steve. Seeing the way Steve shifts on his feet, avoiding eye contact and flushed cheecks, makes you sad. Is it so hard to be with you, speak with you, without behaving like an idiot. Is it a crime to interact with you. How foolish of you to believe you had a shot at romance. Maybe Steve talked to Clint and would think you're a quick fuck.

Angry you speak up "You know Captain Rogers, I don't need your apologie, nor your company. I was foolish to think that you were nice and meant well. I thought I learnt my lesson, but I guess not.” Vile is all over your face and tears stinging in your eyes.

"No, really, I was out of line saying that too you yesterday and just now, please accept my apologie." Steve says caught offguard, surprised by your reaction. This wasn't going the way he would liked it to go. He wanted to make it up to you, even aks you out. He can't hold himself in your presence. He wants to kiss you, be intimate with you, take you over and over again. He felt like a teenage boy, who's hormones are raging. And now you're angry with him, because off his stupid behaviour.

"Ooh.." you shuckle spiteful, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Yesterday I had loved to know you better, today I pass." Your eyes are hard and show disappointment.

"I'm sorry, let me make it up to you. I acted like an ass and really like to get to know you, I'm not fooling around. It was so nice and refreshing talking to you yesterday." Steve takes your hands in his, staring in your eyes.

You open your mouth to reply, but decided not too. Rethinking what you want to say, you look at Steve "I need to think, Captain." and you walk away. Walking back to the kitchen you scold yourself, there goes your shot at romance. How could you be so foolish, thinking that an Avenger would be interested in you. Love wasn't kind to you, you had loving friends and there it stopped. Experiencing something like an relationship was not reserved for you. You blame karma for it, being a homewrecker, made you lose your shot at love. Thinking about the grin Clint had worn when he saw the both of you, made your stomach turn, asshole. On the other hand, Steve seemed sincere and really sorry. Maybe you should think about it, giving the both of you another chance. A fresh start would be nice. 

  
“There you are, y/n Fury is ready for us.” Callie calls, running towards you. “He, you okay?” She asks, laying an arm on your shoulder.

**\--------------In the office--------------**

“Welcome, beta team.” Fury motions for all of you to sit. “I want to talk about joining the Avengers. As an analyzing and colleteralinterpet team. As you have noticed those idiots, are wrecking havoc with their way off running missions. We all know how New York looks like after their encounter with the Chitauri, lets not forget the way Sokovia looks after Ultron. At the moment all leaders are talking about an accord, binding the priveliges of the Avengers. We want to keep the Avengers the way it is and prevent that fucking accord." Fury ends his speach.

"If I'm correct, you want all of us, to join the Avengers, to oversee their missions. To prevent collateral?" You ask, looking at your teammates. Fury wouldn't have all of you here, if he didn't mean the whole team. "Including Robins?" you look at Fury, he eyes you and huffs. "Robins, gets a new team of rookies. Coulson warned him, to use your full potential. He didn't, but I will." He answers. "You will be leading this team." Looking straight at you, earning small coughs and gasps from your teammates.

"Sir, I don't think..." Fury interups you. "Agent y/l/n/, as I told you almost 8 years ago, don't fucking doubt my descisions. You can do that, you're more than capable." Fury adds, his eyes soft, knowing it will be tough on the first months.

“Yes sir. I will do my best.” You smile, looking at your team. “And we will help you, you can do it.” Lexi smiles at you, the rest of your team nods.

“If that’s all sir, I would like to consulate my team how to start.” Standing up from your chair, you wait for Fury to react. All he does is nod and continues his paperwork.

When you exit the office of Fury, Steve is leaning against the wall of the frontoffice. You walk by, he watching you, searching for contact. Deciding to ignore him, his head drops in dissapointment. Once your past him, you turn around, "Hè Rogers, wanna make it up to me..Well here's your chance..were going to work together." you smile at him. Hopefully this was the wright decision.

**\-----------------Present Time-----------------**

“Fury asked us two years ago. The choice of becoming the Avengers analyse-team was easy. Hoping that working together would lead to seeing Steve more often. We started the next day with evaluating of all of your missions and reading information about all of you. Preparing a colleteralplan and an advisory report for future missions. It was a hell of a job, but we managet it, meanwhile I was starting crushing on Steve and found it difficult to interact with him, at least when it was about small talk. When the missions didn’t go as plannend, everything went from bad to worse.” Sipping at your coffee, you look at the clock. You’ve been talking for nearly two hours. Bucky had let you talk freely about your expericence, asking a question once in a while. It was relieving to tell your story to Bucky. But at the moment he seemed distracted. He was looking away and making wierd faces. Was he talking to someone? Shit, was someone sitting behind you, listening to every word you say. Were they fooling you again. With one swift movement you stand up, surprising the two man. Bucky and Steve look at you, you stare wide-eyed at Steve. “For how long have you been sitting there?” you ask.


	7. Imperfection

With one swift movement you stand up, surprising the two man. Bucky and Steve look at you, you stare wide-eyed at Steve. “For how long have you been sitting there?” you ask. Steve looks dazed at you, it took a moment to register you were standing, facing him. He was stammering a reply, impatience gets the best of you and fire another question at him.

“What the fuck are you doing here. Were you eavesdropping?” Steve still lookes shocked at you, not answering your question. You cross your arms and glare at him.

“No, uh, I don't..... well.” Steve stammers, scratching the back of his neck, a red blush coloured all over his face. He has never felt so caught, out of place or guilty, a rush of emotions take over, when the guilt finally wins. Hearing your story so far makes him feel stupid and naive. He should have known better, then to believe the lies they told him.

“Well what is IT?” cocking an eyebrow, still standing defensively, starting to tap you fingers on your arm. Steve feels nervous, as if he was on trail. Exhaling deeply, he answers “Yes, I was listening to what you were telling bucky..Its just.. I wanted...”

“For how long?” you ask, shifting your weight. “How long, Steve?” draging the V in his name. “When you told Bucky about you and Clint.” Steve looks a little guilty at you. How could he let you know he was willing to listen. He was an idiot for taking so long. For doubting you, for not asking your side of the story. He let you down and know he had the price to pay. He was willing to, as long as you started trusting him again. 

“y/n, I saw your reaction in the meeting. I realised it too late. But if all off it where true, you wouldn't look the way, you were sitting in that chair.” Looking at you, trying to make eye-contact, read your emotions. How he hoped you two would reconnect. He was such a fool for letting all those lies separate you two.

“How did I look Steve?” your voice cynical and thick with emotions. Steve starts walking towards you, with every step he takes, a characterization leaves his mouth. His eyes full of emotions and regret. With every word he speaks, your wall crumbles a little further. Stopping in front of you, he looks you in the eyes, resting his hands on your locked arms. “I’m sorry it had to get so far, before I realised your the person I always though you were. Not the person people trying to let me believe you are. Y/N, I was a fool for letting things as rumours and doubt smutter the relation we could have.” Steve tightens his grip on you, searching your eyes, do you understand what he’s trying to say. Speaking these relieving words, break you. You start sobbing uncontrollably, Bucky was the first person to hear you out, and as it turned out, Steve had listened all this time. He finally realised his mistake. Steve took you in his arms, hugging you tightly, stroking your hair. “y/n it’s okay, I want to hear the rest of your story. Lets figure this out. Make and end in all these misunderstanding. What was the next thing you wanted to tell Bucky.” Steve lets go of you and sits opposite from you. “I'm here till the end.” he tells you acknowledging.

Drying your eyes with your sleeve, you swallow and answer with a raspy voice, “The mission, I wanted to tell Bucky about the mission. Especially the one that went wrong.”

**\----------- About 1,5 years ago-----------**

Sitting at the bar, you listen to the music, it was just as depressing as you felt. Ordering another drink you repeat the steps in your head. For this mission you went into hyperdrive, overanalyzed the situation. Making two alternatief plans, to have as low collateral as possible. What went wrong. How could there be so much collateral, killing three civilians. There had to be a reason, the Avengers trusted you and your team. Following your plan and advise. And still things went awry. You didn't get it. Where did it go wrong?

**\----------- A few hours earlier-----------**

“Overwatch, there to many people around us, we can’t solve this. Not without killing a few innocent people.” Natasha spoke through the communicator.

“Romanov, we don’t see what you see, is something wrong with the drone?” Lexi asked.

“No, all green lights are on, camera is moving with us.” Natasha answered.

“Owen, look at the dashboard. Make sure every cable and bud is as they should be.” You ordered him, pacing through the room. After the Avengers touched ground, nothing went as planned. For days there weren’t any civilians in sight and now there were. It looked like someone was forcing these people to be there.

“Captain, are you inside?” you asked Steve. “We’re inside, Wanda, Falcon take the second floor, Hawkeye the third. Be careful, let us know when you see Rumlow. Don’t engage, wait till Agent Carter and I are with you. Overwatch guide us.” Steve commands, waiting for your answer.

“We will activate the minidrones, Wanda, your drone is connected with Lexi, she will guide you and be you’re extra pair off eyes. Falcon, Callie’s drone comes with you. Avery, go with Hawkeye, keep you’re eyes open. Captain, my drone will come with you and Agent Carter. Be careful, I do not know how, but there’s something off.” You reply, what was going on.

“y/n, what do you see?” Lexi asks, looking at you. “I see nothing out of the ordinary, but it just doesn't seem right.” You comply.

“Overwatch, do you hear that?” Sam and Steve ask at the same time. “Hear what?” Callie ask. “That high….” before Sam can finish the sentence there’s a big explosion. Your drones go offline and the earpiece of Clint, Wanda, Sam and Sharon go offline. The only persons you’re connected to were Natasha and Steve. “Captain, Agent Romanov, do you copy?” asking frantically, what the fuck did just happen?

**\-------------------------------------**

Laughs interrupted your thoughts. Looking at the couple on your left, you smile sadly to yourself. It would be nice to have someone on your side. Where you to much focused on Steve? You divided your attention evenly over the team that was in the mission. You could separate emotion from work. It was time to stop the self loathing and act like a teamleader. Drinking you’re glass empty, you decide to go back to the compound and start analyzing the mission, hopefully you could pinpoint the problem.

Entering the communications room, you see Lexi and Owen filling the papers. “He you, your back?” Lexi asks half smiling. You nod and sit at your desk.

“Owen, could you run diagnostics and e-mail them as soon as the’re ready? Lexi, I would like the calculation of the colleteral. Where are Callie and Avery?” asking the both of them while looking at your screen.

“y/n, it’s late, you’re sure you want to do this now?” Owen ask, concern al over his face. The last time he saw you like this, was when you started at the beta team.

Looking at Owen, determination in your eyes, “Yes, I want to start analyzing now. I know you’re tired. We’ve all participated in the same mission, I’m too. But as soon as you have run diagnostics you can go too sleep. I need the numbers. Where are Callie and Avery?” asking irritated you look at Lexi and Owen.

“Avery is downstairs in medbay and Callie is resting. Within two hours she will switch with me. We figured, you would want to start with analyzing as soon as possible.” Lexi glances at you, you smile back “Thank you” leaves soft your lips.

What a team, even when you had a mental breakdown, they would think with you, take the shit you throw at them. “That’s why where a team, we will find the problem y/n.” Owen says walking towards you. “So head up, boss, you’re going to figure it out.” Owen squeezes your shoulder. Letting out a loud breath, “I will, I will figure it out.”

“Well, there are a few injured within the Avengers. Wanda has a concussion, Clint a few flesh wounds and one deep cut on his side and Sam has a head wound that needs to be stitched. Steve, Sharon and Natasha have mild injuries.” Avery says while walking in, he stops in his tracks when he sees you. He squats beside you, looking you in the eye, “You did everything you could, do not blame yourself, don't carry that burden. There is something wrong. You did everything wright and were going to prove that.”Avery encourages you, you feel your eyes water. “We will” you chocke and turn back to analyzing this mission.

Hours and hours pass as you go through papers, plans and even video footage, but can't find a thing. The team takes turns sleeping, so that they can keep analyzing with you, but are to tired to go on at some point. It’s 7 in the morning when you stand alone between all the papers lay out. You lay your hands on top of your head, you can’t see it, can't pinpoint the problem. Where the fuck did it go wrong. Where was the flaw. Deciding to grab another cup of coffee, you see a figure standing in the doorway. Turning on the lights, you see Steve standing, staring at you.

"How long have you been analyzing?” He asks, looking concerned at you. “As soon as I got back, I needed a break.” You answer not looking at him, starting to read the report for the twentieth time.

“You need sleep, you’re almost up for 24 hours.” He walks towards you, standing close, eyeing you. “What do you think?” you ask while rummaging through papers.

“I don’t know, maybe someone sabotaged this, I couldn’t think who would do that. Seeing you did everything you could, I mean it wouldn’t be wise to….” Steve stops when he sees the look in your eyes, he did it again.

“You think I sabotaged this, that I didn't do my job.” You angry interrupt Steve.

“That’s not how I meant it.” he answers standing before you. “But it’s what you mean. We're done here.” walking away from Steve, you need to sleep. Stopping in the doorway, “I need to close the office, so get out.” You snap at Steve.

“y/n, don’t be that way.” Steve pleas. “I don’t need to talk about it, as I said we're done. Captain Rogers, please go, I want to sleep.” You motion for Steve to come out of the office.

He stops in front of you, looking you in the eyes, pleading for reasoning with him. But you look away, you don’t want to discuss this with him. Feeling offended by the thought you would sabotage a mission, take it for granted that people where killed.

“y/n, I didn’t mean it that way.” Steve says one last time, his eyes soft and searching for yours. “I’m going to sleep, Captain Rogers.” You say locking the office and walking away. “y/n, wait.” Steve shouts after you, jogging your way, once he’s caught up with you, he walks beside you. Trying to continue the argument, you stop seeing agent Carter approaching you. “Steve, let me go sleep, I’m to tired now. As soon as I’ve found something, I will contact you.”

Sharon captures the last part of your conversation, deciding to join your discussion, “Come on Steve, they did the best as they could, right?” making a snarky comment.

“I think I misunderstood you, I must be so tired, that I misunderstood you. What you mean by the best we could?” You ask, starting to shake with anger.

“You know how to use all the equipment or not. Maybe Fury overestimated your qualities as a teamleader.” Sharon smiling mockingly at you. “I think, it would be wise to let me talk to Captain Rogers alone.” Emphasizing the alone part, while trying to capture your boiling anger within your fist.

“Alone, what so you can convince him with your other qualities.” She says eyeing you, quirking an eyebrow. “Well, not that it is any of your business, but were thinking about sabotage. There’s no other option, seen that every analyzation came out positive.” You say, looking for a reaction. For a second it looked like Sharon was nervous and would come clean with something, but she recovered quickly and made a cynical comment, before walking away, “If you tell yourself this as redemption, maybe you should just accept the fact that you didn’t prep this mission as you should and failed the team.”

“Go fuck yourself. I’m going to sleep”, you yell after her, deciding your too tired and start walking towards your room. Finally reaching your room, you hear footsteps following you.

“y/n, damn it, stop. Could you just listen to me.” Steve had followed you. “What do you want now, Rogers, I’m tired, i need to clear my head and get some sleep. The problem won't solve itself.” crossing your arms, looking agitated at Steve.

“One minute,” you warn him, tapping your arm impatiently. “Okay, I wasn’t blaming you, or saying you sabotaged the mission. It feels like someone altered the conditions. Or the conditions changed during your research. I don't know, but it doesn't feel right. Somethings off." Steve explained, looking at you, trying to read your expression. 

" I don't know, but the conditions didn't changed during our research. That's one thing I know for sure." answering him, trying to stifle a yawn.  
  
“You're sure about that?” Steve said, regretting his words as soon as they left his Lips.

"You're an ass you know that. So full of yourself. You really think that I would check the conditions ones and then take that for granted. We checked the conditions daily, until you started the mission. You really think I gained my level 9 clearance with doing nothing. Just part of my job..you can.....”

Steve slams his lips against yours, pushing you into the wall. ”Would you just shut up”, he hissed between kisses. He opens the door behind you, entering the bedroom, not once leaving your lips. Kissing you sloppy, teeth and noses colliding.

When the door closes, he captures you between the door and him. He stops for a moment, looking into your eyes, searching, is he the only one who wants this. Arguing with him, made him want you even more. For a moment insecurity gets the best of him. Your face cupped in his hands, you look at him, trying to read his face. His eyes were stormy and dark, something you weren’t used from the super soldier.

“Steve, I..” you start, he covers your mouth with another hungry kiss. Responding immediately, resting your arms in his neck. Likking your bottomlip for entrance, you open your mouth with a low moan. His body hard against yours. God, how he wanted this for so long. At the party he made a mistake, he won't do that again. It was foolish to apologize for being attracted to you. It was torture working with you, being so close, without being able to touch you. His hands rome over your body, one hand stopping at the small of your back, the other resting in the hem of your neck.

“y/n” he whispers against your lips, breathing heavy against your mouth. “I wasn’t accusing you of sabotaging, anything, nor judging your skills as analyzer," Steve pants his head resting against yours.

Sighed you walk away from Steve, “You had to ruin the moment, didn’t you.” Steve turns, his hands on his hips, “What do you mean by that?” he looks at you, still recovering from your makeout session. “What I mean is..” You get interrupted with a knock on the door. “y/n, you in there? Are you sleeping?” Lexi asks.

“I was Lexi,” you lie, questioningly looking at Steve, mouthing a what towards him.

“Something came to my mind, I wanted to check it with you.” She says against the door. “I’ll be with you in five. You can go to the office, I will join you. I need to get dressed.” You lie again. Once you hear Lexi’s footsteps receding, you turn towards Steve.

“It’s time you get out,” walking towards your door, opening it for Steve. “y/n,” Steve sighs, “lets talk about all of this, what’s happening between us. Come on, don’t do this.” Steve raises his hands in frustration.

“I’m not doing, anything, you’re doing it. So there you go, go think about it and make a fucking decision.” As if your voice isn’t showing how angry you are, you slam the door in Steve’s face. You stare for a moment at the door, touching your red, swollen lips. What were you doing, was it in the heat of the moment? Either way it felt so good.

**\----------- Present Time-----------**

Bucky looked at the both of you, a crimson blush on both of your faces. That kiss was full of frustration and need. If you hadn’t been interrupted by Callie, who knows what would have happened. Maybe you would have had the greatest sex and things wouldn’t have turned out this way.

“What did Callie find?” Steve asks you, he still had the feeling that something was off and it wasn’t only this mission. He had the feeling that it was part of a bigger picture.


	8. Sweet Sacrifice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Lady Jane and MissZombieCake for you comments. They motivate me to write, even when I don't have time or lack inspiration. Upon you're idea Lady Jane, here's a little rematch between Clint and Steve. Hope you guyss like this new chapter of going under. There are three more chapters to come, before the epilogue.

“What did Callie find?” Steve asks you, he still had the feeling that something was off and it wasn’t only this mission. He had the feeling that it was part of a bigger picture.

"Well Callie didn't find any errors in the plans, but found a few emails from an unknown address. In those emails were attachment with the strategies in it. Someone was sharing our mission plans with the enemy. We can't trace it, but I guess that's what happened with the Lorelei mission too.” Looking from Steve to Bucky, who had a grin on his face, seeing he was piecing the puzzle together.

“Yeah about that mission, I think I get why you punched Clint in the face.” Bucky looked at Steve a lopsided smile on his face. Steve sighed and laid his face in his hand. “I punched him because he was under control off Lorelei.” Steve exhaled looking agitated at Bucky, a blush upon his cheeks. “You Both were under control of Lorelei. You and I know that, punk.” Bucky shuckles. “Will you shut up, I remember that to well.” Steve answers embarrass, “Y/N, you say that this mission was also sabotaged?”

“Yeah, look at the facts, for some reason she managed to escape Asgard for the second time. Went to earth again, searched for shield-agents for an army and what’s mostly bothering me, is something she said. I can’t remember all of it, the thing that keeps repeating in my head is… Blondie thanks, this was indeed a good choice. The only blonde person there, was you Steve.” You look at him, shock is all over his face, this can’t be. What did he do, was he under some kind of spell, had he freed Lorelei, without knowing. And not to mention, he has been a douchebag towards y/n. It was the reason he stopt wooing you, the fight you two had was rough and the things he had said, were unforgiving. Steve facepalmed himself, he had fucked up big time.

**\---------------Before the Mission---------------**

“There’s an anomaly, Fury wants us to check it out.” Sharon announces entering your office. “Really, Fury didn't ask me to run diagnostic.” You answer querking an eyebrow.

“Well that's because we need to take action, immediately there’s no time for diagnostics. We need to assemble a team and go.” Sharon starts tapping her foot impatiently. “So who's here and can assist me with this mission, Agent Barton, Agent Romanov, Steve iuuh i mean Captain Rogers..come on, you have got to have some skills, accept for sleeping around for promotion”, she snapped at you.

Callie looked dumbfounded, open and closing her mouth like a fish for air. “Excuses me.” Lexie exclaimed looking from Sharon to you and back again. Both of you started a staring contest. “I Will pretend i didn’t hear that. Otherwise I would think you would like to offend me.” you said ignoring Sharon, seeing Steve standing there you freeze, the look in his eyes is something that upsets you. “What do you mean?” Steve ask, making Sharon jump a little, but gains her composure quickly, “Oh, you know, that y/n slept with Agent Barton to gain a level 6 clearance.” Sharon smirkes, looking at the shock in Steve’s face.

Trying to ignore Steve staring, you read the email and start to assemble the team. “Lexie would you ask agents Barton and Romanov to suit up and go the the hangar of quinjet 6. Callie let Avery know he’s to go with the team and make sure the drones work so we can assist from afar”, once you have systems up and running, you turn towards Steve.

“Captain Rogers, would you assist the team. It seems your expertise is required. A Asgardian soldier has escaped.” directing your attention to Steve. Snapping back to reality, Steve looks at you, “We need to talk about that, you slept with Barton, how..when..” he indignantly looks at you.

“Let’s talk about this later. The world needs us.” You look apologeletic at him. 

**\---------------In the field---------------**

“Carefully engage Lorelei, she is of great danger. She can manipulate you with the sound of her voice.” Lexi spoke, “We tried to enhance your earpieces. It isn’t great to listen to a animatronic voice, but for this mission it’s the saves option. Your earpieces are filtering everything, so her voice shouldn’t be able to effect you in anyway, please keep them on at all times.” Lexie explains, “Copy that, I think it’s already working, quite annoying too.” Steve comments back. 

Lorelei was expecting the Avengers, she had heard of them and knew their power. They would become her new army and bring her the throne she so wanted. When Steve took a blow to his head, his earpiece got smashed and soon got corrupted by Lorelei.

“You feel betrayed by your friends, yet you yearn for her. Your rage is the rage of a berserker. You will come in handy, but first, turn your anger towards the ones you hate.” Lorelei speaks into Steve’s ear.

Throwing his shield aside, Steve storms toward Clint. His fist connecting with his jaw instantly. Clint’s earpiece catapulting out of his ear. The next punch hitting Clint in the gut.

“My, my you’ve got such a rage towards this person. But let me tell you, he’s got the same rage towards you. It seems you yearn for the same person. Talking about unrequited feelings.” Lorelei smiles, “But, soon my soldiers you will only yearn for me”, looking at the two fighting Avengers.

“That’s enough! my darlings.” Lorelei comments, making an end at the fight between Steve and Clint. “Well blondie, thanks, It turned out that it will pay of. Come, my soldiers, there’s much to do.” Lorelei walks away, Steve and Clint obeying Lorelei, following her on foot.

\--------------

Standing in your room, you let out a heavy breath. What a mission, what a dangerous woman and situation. Thank god for Natasha’s quick thinking, the assistence of May and Sky for getting Sif so quickly to earth. It took all willpower to get those two back. The quinjet would be on its way back and then you would see what the colleteral was.

Changing into your regular clothes, when you hear a knock on your door. Would he really have the energy to discuss this now. Where they even back in the hanger?

Opening the door, you see a battered Steve standing in front of you. His eyes wild, confusion, questions, self doubt and anxiety in them. “Steve, are you really capable off listening to me?” You look him over, trying to caress his arm, but he pulls away, rapidly.

Tears are forming in his eyes, he swallows thick, trying to put away the feelings he has for you. The confrontation with Lorelei shoke him rough awakening. He knew he had feelings for you, but did’t expect them to overrule those for Peggy. The words from Lorelei keep repeating in his head over and over again. But it didn't took the anger or rather jealousy about you sleeping with Clint away. It made his anger even worse, he felt betrayed, where he had not have the right to feel that way. Ignoring that feeling in the pit of his stomach, Steve speaks the question that will be the death sentence to your fragile relationship.

“What did Sharon mean with that comment?” Steve asked. “What comment?” asking agitated, knowing damn well, about which comment he’s talking about. “The one, where she mentioned you sleeping with Clint.” Steve bit out, anger all over his face, mixed with disgust.

“Steve let me explain.” You rub your temple, he was really going to to this now. “It isn’t all black and white like Sharon assumes. Yes I slept with Clint.” You sigh, looking up to the tall Avenger, there’s a shimmer in his eyes, are those tears in his eyes.

“So that's true. What else didn't you tell me?” Steve swallow, his whole demeanor changing, even the sound of his voice isn’t like your used to. It’s cold and bitter, without emotions, almost accusing, “Well did you get a promotion...out of it.” he asks vile in his words, it made him feel uncomfortable, but he felt betrayed so who cares.

“No, Steve, God NO, not out of sleeping with him, but by doing my job right. It was a mere coincidence that it happened right after each other. Please believe me.” You look at Steve, seeing the way he looks at you, is enough to understand he has made up his mind. Tears start to run down your face. Not this again, not losing Steve over something from your past, you can't take this. First Clint and now him. Please Steve, just believe me. You know me, you know who I’am and what I'm capable off.” Wiping away the tears with your sleeves, only to be replaced by another tear, the hard look on Steve’s face, is enough for you to start sobbing uncontrollably.

“I know quite well what you’re capable off. I thought I knew you, but I guess I’m wrong. To think that we could start something. That I have feelings for you. You fooled me, well played. I guess there won’t be a promotion this time. This little game of yours ends here. What kind of fool do you think I am, y/n.” Steve looks at you, his eyes hard, jaw tightened and his hands clenched. The tears running down his face, make you hope you still have a chance. Maybe you could get through to him afterall. 

“I would never do that to you, to anyone. I maybe have feelings for you, but I guess I’m not your type. I'm self conscious about those things. I cherish every kiss we shared, Steve, it’s not how Sharon says it,” you plea, looking him in the eyes. Searching for his understanding, his knowledge about you, the affirmation he understands that this is a mistake. Steve shifts, his eyes cold, body tall and aloof, he scrapeds his troath.

"Kissing you was a mistake, thinking you could be something more than a coworker, to think i was comparing you to Peggy. You disgust me, i never thought you were that low." Steve avoids eye contact with you, turning away.

You sniff one last time, regain your composure and speak up, “You’re right. I was foolish believing I could live up to a ghost. You're even comparing me to her. And now that there’s a crack in you perfect picture, a lie, you can finally throw me away. Don’t worry I won't get in the way of your precious Peggy. I think if it was her you wouldn’t even dare to doubt her side of the story. Were done here Steve. I get the hint, Captain Rogers. Am I excused to go. I would like to go to my team. There’s work to be done.” You straighten up, wipe away your tears, the look on Steve’s face caught you off guard. So many mixed emotion, but none of them signaling you, you got through to him. Taking one final look at him while walking out the door. Steve slams the door close, standing in your room, looking at your bed. How could he stop those feelings for you. Your actions were well calculated, that what’s Sharon said. You had fooled him into falling in love with you, even more than he was with Peggy. He chuckled ironically to himself, almost looking like a mad man. He had to get out, opening your door he sees you walking towards Clint.

Starting to walk to your office, you see Clint standing in front of the weaponary. He smiles a lopsided smile towards you. Behind you the door opens and Steve walks out. His eyes red and face flushed, he looks your way. Seeing you walking towards Clint, he can only nod his head and huff, while walking away.

Clint turns to you, “Trying to get into another Avengers pants?”, he smirks, regretting his comment the instant he sees your face. You huff and smile bitterly, you can’t do this anymore. “You’re right I don’t have the right to be loved, especially by an Avenger, right agent Barton “You’re right I don’t have the right to be loved, espacially by an Avenger, right agent Barton. I’m the person who sleeps around and gets an promotion out off it. Thanks you agent for opening my eyes, finally.” You mock, raising your hands to the ceiling. “I let emotions run free and cloud my judgement. Forgetting what it means to be an agent. Congratulations to you Agent Barton, you finally pushed me past my breaking point. Well done.” You start clapping, “Well done.” Speaking cynical while patting Clint on his shoulder.

“It’s time to accept my place in this team. I was foolish thinking that I could make friends, go past what happened in our past. It still hurts, you know, you’re believing I’m using all of you to gain a promotions. I don’t know who put you that flea in your ear, but I assure you it’s one big lie.” You stand tall, hands shaking, tears welling up in your eyes. As if your fight with Steve wasn’t enough today. You lost all your hope, thinking everything was getting better, it burned to the ground today. The sniping comment Sharon made about your past with Clint, Steve wanted to know the truth behind that comment. The relationship you were building with him, collided with that one comment and your fight. Maybe it would be wise to resign as analyzer.

“y/n” Clint says snapping you back to reality. The expression on his face changing, is he showing remorse for his comment. “I…I didn’t want to hurt you. Didn’t mean to make you feel this way. It’s just, those rumors about you, made it difficult to believe in your sincerity. It made it easy for my, to keep my distance, to justify my infidelity towards Laura. Blaming you, was easier than acknowledge my feelings for you. That I just wanted you for me. It’s just I couldn't have you.” Clint explains looking away from you, at the wall, recalling his memories of you, underneath him.

“Clint..” you stand wroothed to the ground in shock, what was he saying. “My feelings for you never changed, what happened on that mission was real, my feelings were real. I just didn’t think about the consecences. I just didn't think about the consequences. It was as if Laura didn't exist and I wasn't becoming a father. I know I screwed up, big time. It was easier for me, for you to hate me. And getting that information about you from…..Let’s just say I used it to make you hate me easier. I thought I had put aside, buried my feelings. But seeing you at that party and hearing you where joining us as analyzer, made all those feelings resurvise. Seeing you with Steve, seeing you as you were before I broke you, it made me jealous that he could make you feel this way. Looking at you, seeing how I broke you again, It’s not what I wanted, y/n, please believe me.” waiting for you’re reaction, trying to make eye contact, but you refuse to look at him. Trying to coop with the new information, astrucken about the selfish words from Clint. 

“I don’t know if or when you can forgive me, but please accept my apology.” Clint stares at you, his own eyes full of emotions. It seems he is realising what he has done to you.

You blink, tears falling down on your cheeks, smile resentful, “You’re right, I don’t know how I and if I can forgive, for making a part of my life so miserable. You’re selfish, don’t thinking about the consequent, you’re like a child whose toy got taken away and it wasn’t even your toy. Yet again you tell me, there’s someone telling things about me. And you rather believe them, then my own words. That’s what hurts me the most. I thought that after our mission, you knew who I was and would stand up for me, when someone made that kind of comment about me. AGAIN, I don’t do suchs things, I work hard, do my best, even when it blows up in my face, I try to be as flexibel as I can, I have anxiete for every mission, because I wouldn’t dare to have blood on my hands, So I don’t sleep well until the missions over and everyone is save. And still you believe, that I have time to sleep around so I get promoted. I have no other words for this, then leave me alone Clint. Once your ready to tell me whose, told those lies about me. Don’t bother talking to me again.” You snap at him, striding away in a quick pace. Once you’re around the corner, you sink to the ground and let you tears run freely, what a fucked up situation this was. Someone was intently starting rumours about you, but why? Did you have the energy to investigate or would you do one more mission and leave the Avengers. 

**\---------------Present Time---------------**

Bucky looks at Steve, "Really punk, really. You're such an idiot." he punches Steve's arm. "Your such an ass, she poured her heart out and you didn't believe her, You even made it worse, listening to that witch, Sharon. Maybe she’s the person starting all those rumourse about y/n." Bucky looks at you realisation in his eyes.

Your brain is working overtime. It takes little time for you to put the last piece of puzzle togheter. "Bucky, every mission that went wrong, she was there. Sharon was there. All those missions were in commission of the CIA, of HeR. She wasn't blond in Nevada, because she had been undercover. But she was the second blond on the scene. Lorelei didn't mean you, Steve, she ment Sharon. She’s behind all these sabotages, there’s no other way."


	9. Kill my pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, FInally in this chapter we see who's behind all those lies. Maybe you already guessed, but maybe it's a surprise. It's also time for some redemption, hopefully you are kindharted ^_~. After this there are 3 more chapters to come and an epilogue chapter. 
> 
> @ MissZombieCake, thank you for your comment. A lot had happened, indeed, and it makes the reader think about their situation. Let's say, know that she's got people listening to her, she wants her name restored first. Hope you enjoy this chapter too.

Your brain is working overtime. It takes little time for you to put the last piece of puzzle together. "Bucky, every mission that went wrong, she was there. Sharon was there. All those missions were in commission of the CIA, of HeR. She wasn't blond in Nevada, because she had been undercover. But she was the second blond on the scene. Lorelei didn't mean you, Steve, she meant Sharon. She’s behind all these sabotages, there’s no other way."

“Steve, what do you think, your very quiet at the moment”, Bucky looks at his friend, a defeated pose forming his body. His head hanging, fist clenched and barely able to hold back the tears. “Hè, Steve, wallowing in self pity can wait we need to solve this, if its true that Sharon has set this up, we need to fix this and clean y/n name.” Bucky shocked Steve’s shoulder.

  
Looking up with tears in his eyes, he speaks with a hoarse voice,”I'm sorry, I know it’s not enough, but it’s a start. Y/N, I’ve been such a fool. I offended you just hours ago. I feel dumb and such an asswhole. PLease let me make it up to you,” he pleas.

**\----------A few hours ealier----------**

“Everyone, I would like to start with the meeting”, Tony announces. “As you all know. Our last few missions have had a lot of collateral, in ways we couldn’t imagine”, he continued looking at the faces of his team. It was clear to see that there was a rift between the fieldactive team, known as the Avengers and the analytic team. Each team, sat at one side of the table, creating an invisible border.  
  
“Maybe some people need to do their job better”, Natasha snapped looking at you and your team. You met her Eyes, giving her a warning look, but she wasn’t impressed.  
  
“Please, don't do that. It’s inappropriate and disturbed the meeting. Where one team, please keep that in mind”, Tony warns and hands the plans out. “Y/N, you’re up.”  
  
“As you can see the overview of the area isn’t changing. There’s a little village nearby, so be aware of travelers. As for the people we’ve been montering, they have pattern –“ you start, but get interrupted by Steve.  
  
“It’s the same way you've prepared all those other missions. How can you be sure that this approach works? How can you be so sure, that this mission won't backfire. Do we come back alive, all of us ?”, Steve asks, emphasising his words. Crossing his arms, giving you a questioning look. The grin on Sharon’s face stands more out, than Steve’s staring. How you would love to wipe away that grin. 

“I can assure you that this is the best way for preparing such operations. I would suggest that you look at the bigger picture. You focus on the 4 missions that went wrong, but it’s almost 2 years that we work together and had multiple missions that were a success, with little to no damage”, you counter back at Steve, who’s taken back by your words.

“Steve, let her do her job, she is trying as best as she can. She just gives information, what you do with it on the field, is your decision. You’re the Captain”, Sharon reminds him while giving you a fake smile. Was she indirect trashing you, the grip on your tablet thightens.

“Excuse me, who do you think you are. We don’t just give information, we make sure you have a save mission, multiple ways out, a backup plan for extraction, make sure no civilians get hurt in the process, we are just as many hours up as you. Sure we don’t stand in the field, but we are you’re extra pair of eyes..”, Owen snaps at Sharon.

“Well, how’s that been going.” Clint snaps back. “Look at those missions, we didn’t come back safe, we had wounded team members, a lot of people dying.” he adds his voice raising at the end.

“Look, out of the 60 missions we’ve had you only complain about the four that went wrong. In my opinion that means that 56 missions did go as planned,” Lexi counteracts.

“Those four cost us more, then we gained all those 56, Lexi. You remember, Rumlow, how wounded were our team members, how many civilians died? What about Lorelei, we almost lost Steve and Clint to her”, Sam argues.

“Maybe, some people need to focus on their work, instead of pursuing other teammates”, Natasha remarks, eyeing you. Do you really have the energy to react to that remark. Nearly two years are you listening to those snarky comments, walking on eggshells and hoping they would ask you your side of the story. When Steve showed interest in you, you hope things would change. But he soon joined the rest of his team.

“WHAT!, she isn't the one pursuing someone, they pursue her! I don’t know what you think about her, but it sure doesn't add up to her but it sure doesn’t add up to her personality. She does her job with the most precision I've ever seen. It’s like she got a sixth sense when it comes to analyzing all the conditions. Her workethick is spot on, her moral compass points the right way, knowing what her strong points are and when to delegate it to someone else. She stays up longer then any of us, she doesn’t sleep until everyone’s save. Your image about her is wrong. Tainted with lies that someone started. What kind of hero’s are you. You’re no hero to me!” Callie angry spoke.

“Hearing you speak of her that way, makes me think you slept with her to. Maybe she got bored and decided to check off the Avengers. Starting with Clint, soon followed by Steve. If we let her, she’s soon in another one's bed.” Wanda snickered.

“You take that back this instant, you make her sound like a slut. Which she is not, not even close. I feel sorry for you thinking that way about someone. Someone who makes sure, your come back alive“, Avery proclaimed

“Let be honest, she slept with Clint, she kissed me, more than once.She made mistakes, more then once, it even caused much collateral and endangered our team. Steve spoke, not even taking a glance at you. You were staring at him, it wasn’t you who initiated the kiss, but him, all those times it was him. Not once did you dare to believe you were worthy for him. Always believing, he was still in love with Peggy.

“There are two in this game. If she ignited the kiss, which I know she didn't, you could have declined and say no if you didn't want to. But I know well that she didn't do it they way you make it sound. That’s very low, it’s beneath the belt, SteVE.” Lexi shouted.

“Well, beneath the belt is something she’s good at”, Natasha smirked, “I think it’s for the best if she left. Seeing that she was involved with Clint and Steve, who knows,

who she will choose next. It’s the team that is falling apart because of this”, Natasha smirked.

“YOU WHAT!” Owen screams, slamming his fist on the table and tipping the chair. With a loud noise.

Tony stands beside you, eyeing your reaction. Thankfully you had listened to Fury and told him the whole story, as soon as you started. He knew what was going on, he even offered to investigate the rumor and speak to his team, about handling the situation.

You had declined it, you didn't want him to interfere and make things awkward. Beside you didn't think that something from your past would hunt you down here.

So you started working and dealt with the situations as they came. Only dealing with them, became more difficult each time. It started out with a glare, but soon evolved into snippy remarks and insults. Living in the compound had become difficult and you tried to go them out of their way, changing your daily routine as much as possible. But resently it had infiltrated your meetings and missions, made working together nearly impossible. Now a simple briefing, had ended in a fight. Your team against the Avengers.

Standing in front of the bickering crowd, you zone out. You’re done, you can’t deal with it anymore, why do they make it so difficult for you. All you want to do is your job, make friends, maybe even find love. Deciding you don’t want to stay any longer in this room, you lay your tablet down and walk out of the door.

The only person who notices you gone, is Bucky. During this whole meeting, he watched you and your reaction to all the insults and accusations. When you were guilty of all those things, you hadn’t reacted the way you did. You had shot down, didn’t interfere nor answered back in defence, the look on your face said enough. You were tired of the constant walking on eggs, it was time that someone finally listened. With a loud shreesh of his chair, Bucky stood up. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to talk to her”, Bucky announced and walked out the room, slamming the door shut. 

**\---------- Present Time ----------**

  
  
The elevator pinged, seeing Tony step out, makes you relieved. Earning a questioning look from Bucky and Steve. "Sweetie, got finally Those two Dorks to listen to you." Hè smiled. "What? You knew about this all the time?", Steve asked agitated.

"It seems I was the only person ready to listen to her. When Fury assigned her to us, he made sure she had someone to talk to”, Tony answer back, an edge to his words.   
  


“My team and Tony kept me standing in all this ruckus”, you swallow hard, trying not to spill anymore tears. “Seeing as nobody would listen to me and kept believing all the lies. And only a few hours ago, you were yelling at me." You look at Steve, guilt and remorse all over his face.  
  
“So let me make this clear, you knew all of it?” Steve looking surprised at Tony.  
  
“Yes, Steve. I knew all of it”, Tony looks at him, questioning the intelligence of the super soldier at the moment.  
  
“That she slept with Clint, too?” Steve asked, trying to define all.

"Yes, STeve, I would advise her to sleep with other people, then birdboy, but yes" Tony raising his eyebrows, getting a small laugh from you. Hoping Steve would stop asking stupid questions.  
  
“Why didn't you interfere with what was happening?”, Bucky interrupted Steve who was going to ask another idioot question.

  
“Because she asked me not to." Tony looked at you. Steve and Bucky turned towards you. "Why y/and?", they simultaneously asked.  
  
“Tony knew the whole story, everything Steve, even the little things”, the way you look at Steve shuts him up instantly. “I wanted him to be the person I can comfy in and discuss with what was happening. After the Rumlow-mission and the diagnostics came out clean, we figured there had to be something else that causes this. When Callie found those emails we were sure someone within the team was sabotaging. It wasn’t until Lorelei that we figured it had something to do with me. Seeing that both you and Clint were the only persons she went after. All we have to do is figure out, who is behind this. Putting the pieces together, it looks like Sharon was the one, but I don't know for sure.." you look at the men in front of you.   
  
“You think she started that rumour of you and your promotion too?”, Steve asks, looking at you.  
  
“Theres only one person, who really knows that. I don't think he’s ready to talk about it", you shrug your shoulders.  
  
“I think I am", a voice behind Tony, startles you. Stepping out of the shadows is Clint. Nobody has noticed him exit the elevator. “I am ready to talk, y/n”, Clintlooks defeated at you. “Y/N, as I told you a while ago, I’m truly sorry for this. I was foolish to believe her and let her ruin the friendship we could have had. For some reason she has something against you. With her, I mean....Sharon Carter”, Clint swallows, looking straight at you, hoping you would see the sincerity and truth in his eyes.


	10. Everybody's Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter you've all been waiting for, payback's a bitch!  
@MissZombieCake, hope you enjoy this chapter, had fun writting it!

“……….For some reason she has something against you. With her, I mean....Sharon Carter”, Clint swallows, looking straight at you, hoping you would see the sincerity and truth in his eyes.

Staring wide eyed at him, you can’t seem to find your words. Did he just say, what you thought he said. Did he really confirm your suspicions. “Well, it’s about damn time!” Bucky broke the silence. “Clint, you are saying Sharon is behind all those lies?” Tony asked him, seeing him flinch at her name.

“Yes, she’s the one who approached me, after our missions 10 years ago. Claiming that I didn’t have to feel guilty about sleeping with you, while I had a wife. Saying that you probable would get a promotion out of it to. It eased my mind at first, knowing you gained something out of it. Taking the guilt away. Soon it made me angry and feel used, thinking you were only after a promotion. It was her who put the flea in my ear, but I made it even worse, by treating you that way. I don’t know how you will ever forgive me. I get that I made decisions and have to life with them, but I hope that at some point we can move forward and become friends. Y/N, please see me telling you her name as a peace offer.” Clint looks up to you, seeing you looking back at him, eyes hard, but soften by the minute.

“Clint, I appreciate your gesture, but I’m not ready to talk about forgiving or reconciling. I want the truth out there and my name purified. I want her to confess all those things and I want everyone to hear her confession. I want her to feel the way she let me feel all those years.” Your eyes hard, determination in your voice and hands clenched in fist. She was going to pay, big time. But how?

“I…uhm…I have an idea, how we can make her confess. It’s risky, but I’m sure it will work”, Steve took your hand in his, “Can you trust me?” he ask soft, looking insecure at you. “I don’t know, trust is earned, but I will try”, you answer back, he asked you to take the leap and trust him to catch you. Could you put all things aside and take the leap?

**\-------------Time Jump (1 week)-------------**

“Okay, glad that we get through this briefing, without an argument”, Tony ended the meeting, with a heavy sigh. “Please, start with the preparations immediately, we want to leave early in the morning. Y/N could you set the navigation in the quinjet, I have a meeting and don’t have the time for it?” Tony asked you, giving him a node while making a note in your to do list.

Almost everyone left the meeting room, giving your team the final orders they leave too, making you and Steve the only persons in the room. “Y/N, you oke?” he asks looking out the window. “Yeah, fine, just nervous. I hope it works. I don’t know if I can do this any longer”, standing up, walking towards the tall Avenger, stopping right in front of him.

“Ready, to make someone angry?” Steve smiles, while he tugs a string of hair behind your ear. Exhaling a few times, “I was never this nervous about a silly kiss”, you breathe, smiling shy at Steve. “A silly kiss, I don’t find this kiss silly.” He says cupping your cheek in his hand, lingering his lips against yours. “I’m sorry, y/n. Please accept my apology.” He says kissing you softly on the lips. “I’m sorry.” He says again, kissing your cheek. “I’m sorry.” Kissing your other cheek. “I’m…” you lay a finger on his lips. “Stop with the apologies already, I get it, but you’re going to pay bigtime. My trust isn’t won back easily”, you warn him, earning a smile from him. “I know, swee y/n. I will do my best.” Leaning into you, kissing you soft. Luckily Steve had his arms around you, your knees buckle with the first real touch of his lips. His soft lips on yours, savoring every little bit of you. Invading all your sense you forget the intention of the kiss. Letting the moment take all logical thoughts away, just you and him, like it should be.

Steve shifts a little, your body tingling with the feeling of his chest pressed against yours. Claiming your lips for a second time, this kiss gives away his hunger for you. Slightly parting your lips, he takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Savoring each other for a moment, earning a soft moan from Steve, when you lay your hand on his chest. Lost in the moment, you lean into the hot and fiery kiss, intertwining your tongues. The lack of air reminds you, what and why you’re doing this. It kills the mood and you break apart, staring into each other’s eyes. There was so much more to this kiss then…

Parting slightly you lick your lips, “If that doesn’t make her angry, I don’t know what will”, you smile at Steve. “I think we did an outstanding job, don’t you think? Too bad it was meant to piss someone off”, Steve puckers. “If you’re a good boy, maybe you can get another”, you pat him on the shoulder, walking out of the room. A pair of blue eyes following you and an angry blond standing hidden in the shadows. She would get you for this.

………

“I’m going to check the quinjet again. Making sure the coordination’s are the correct ones and if the supplies are stocked up”, getting a strange look from Lexi, you shrug your shoulders and give her an apologizing look. If only she knew, you weren’t compulsive nor crazy, you were just hoping to catch someone in the act. The first two times, everything was just the way you left it. Hoping that three times was indeed the charm, the walk towards the hanger.

When you approach the quinjet, you hear a noise, slowing down your pace, your heart starts to race. Could this be it, the moment you’ve waited for? Standing on the tailgate you watch as Sharon rumbles through the equipment. When you clear your throat, she is startled seeing you stand there.

“Agent Carter, what are you doing? What did you enter in the navigation?” you ask while shifting your weight, crossing your arms. Sharon turns towards you, a grin on her face. “What makes you think I did something to the navigation?” she asks mirroring your pose.

“I know what I saw, Sharon. You changed the coordination’s, didn’t you?” Stepping of the tailgate, into the cargo hold. “Just like you e-mailed our plans for Praag, managed to get Lorelei free, created the mess in Nevada and know you’re trying to sabotage the mission in Bogota. Why are you doing this, why betray your team and the people you trust. Why bring Steve in danger.” Looking at Sharon, trying to lure a reaction from her, so you figure her motive out.

“You’ve got it wrong, you see. I’m not the one bringing them in danger. You are”, pointing at you mockingly. “You made a mistake again, gave the wrong coordinates and didn’t think about supply or survival kits for them, poor team and poor Steve”, Sharon pouts, walking towards you. “When there in Krasnoyarsk, they will be done with you. You see it’s very cold there, the weather changes constantly, everywhere mountains and no human around. You see, they need to survive and I will be the person saving them, knowing a lot about the place and how to survive there. I’m going to annihilate every possibility for you of making amends with them. And most important, Steve will have me to warm up to, to convey, to love and will forget about you completely. You see y/n you draw the shorter straw.” Sharon grinned wildly. 

“You’re crazy. I’m changing the coordination”, shacking your head, for that idiot answer, she’s lost it. You walk towards the control panel, but Sharon stands in your way, “Get out of my way” you look her dead in the eyes. “You’re not messing with my plan. I won’t let you”, throwing a punch at you, hardly evading it.

“What are you, crazy? You seem to miss the fact that Steve and I have made up. It won’t be long until the team starts to believe my side of the story”, you block the next punch, but decide not to punch back. You want to have more information from her.

Hearing you say those words, you reconciled with Steve, makes her blazing made. How could you touch her Steve, take her place. You would pay for that, she would make sure off that.

“You forget, that I’m a good friend to Steve and..-“, punching you in the face, “I can still influence him. I just need to say the word and he will believe Me, not you, ME”, she smiles, trying to hit you again. Managing to block it again, punching her in the gut.

“One word….and all those lies…… and rumors will blow up again……. You’re trust and amends with Steve will be gone. One snap of my finger and he will spit you out again”, Sharon pants trying to recover from your punch.

“You really thin, you’ve got that kind of influence on him? You really think you can pull that off, after Clint told me everything”, you smile, seeing the surprise in Sharon’s face, “Yes, you heard me, Clint told me everything, even the start of your little scheme. Shows over SharoN”, dragging the N in her name a little longer, “Come to think of it, WHY? What did I do to you?” you stand in front of her, your arms crossed and eyebrow raised.   
  
Taking a moment to sit down, you cracked a rib with that last punch, making it difficult for Sharon to breathe easy, “As a CIA agent I worked with Shield constantly, but never ever asked agents to work with me. I was always the niece from Peggy Carter, always standing in her shadow. My mistakes always got magnified, while yours were rookie mistakes” she start, emphasizing the rookie.

“That’s because, they were rookie mistakes, Sharon, I had just graduated from the Academy”, you answer frustrated, was this really the reason she made you’re live a living hell.

“Do you know how frustrating it is, to want to belong, but don’t get the chance to be part of it. Seeing someone who’s barely capable of reading a map, not even a field agent, getting the mission that belonged to ME! I should have been me on that mission with Barton. Not you!” Sharon fist her hair, it’s like she lost it completely.

“Why you, you weren’t part of Shield, but CIA. You should have gone to the Shield Academy, not the Police Academy. You can’t blame me for that, Shield needed an analyst on sight, not another field agent. I had every right to be chosen above you. It doesn’t give you the right to spread such lies about me. Backstabbing bitch!” you snap at her, trying to control your anger, you need just a little more from her.

  
Sharon laughs uncontrollable, “You think….no that was just a joke. But Barton played right in my cards. I couldn’t have imagined that some years later that remark would help me to destroy you. You see.. I had my eyes on Steve for a long time. It didn’t matter that he was in love with my aunt, actually it makes him family property, don’t you think”, she smirks, “Anyway, you kind of got in my way. Started to get feelings for you and I couldn’t use that. I came in handy that we met before and so my little joke, helped me to put a rift between you and Steve”, grinning widely at you.

“You’re crazy. Steve’s his own person, he isn’t yours. He can make his own decisions. Just because he was interested in me, you made my live a living hell. I probable need to see it as a compliment, because on some level you knew I was out of your league. You needed a scheme to compete with me. How low can you go, maybe if you were woman enough to compete, you had a change. Never off that huh..Your aunt would turn in her grave. I’m curious how Steve thinks about all of this”, now it’s your turn to grin wide.

“Steve, yes dear Steve. He won’t hear any of this. You see, I ordered Friday to stop filming in this area. No one will see or hear something from our little talk. And let’s be honest, it’s going to be your word against mine. Peggy’s niece or the girl who needed the Winter Soldier to gain trust, Again!” Sharon gives you a smug smile. 

Sharon stand up, walking towards the tailgate, “For now, you can relax and watch how the relationship between Steve and me develops. Knowing you were so close, but not close enough. Wha..Why are you laughing, you’ve gone crazy..” Sharon eyes you, not knowing how to react.

You’re laughing hard, knowing something she doesn’t know, ”It’s just Sharon, oh, wait a sec. Hey, did you record everything?” you ask, Sharon looks stunned at you, registering your earpiece just now. “You see, Agent Carter, You weren’t just talking to me”, you smile, seeing the color in her face retried to a pale white. 

“You also, talked to me”, Steve says coming out of his hiding place. “OH, and to Tony, and Lexie, and Clint, and…just basically the whole team”, he smiles, holding Sharon by her arm when she tries to run away.

You approach her, standing in front of her, ready to make you last stand, “You've been weighed, you've been measured and…” you glance at Steve, who smiles at you. His plan did work, “….have been found wanting”, he Steve adds. All this time he wanted to show himself, stand beside you and make her talk. He knew you had to do it, for some reason she was angry with you and that was the reason you needed to do it. The mission, the kiss, all of it was staged, so she would try to sabotage it again and that was where you came in and made sure she confessed. “Agent Carter, you’ve been arrested for treason, espionage, assault and attempted murder”, Steve says, not looking at Sharon. With a swift movement, she manages to pull herself free, only to be met with your fist seconds later. She slams hard to the ground, “Who’s laughing now,” you say to no one particular, giving Steve an apologetic smile, “What?”, he shakes his head, helping Sharon to stand up, “Come on Agent Carter, let’s get you to your cell.” 


	11. Erase This

Standing in the shower, letting the warm water run over your body, trying to get rid of the stiffness in your limbs. You try to relax, but your body aches where she had hit you, rubbing the black and blue spot on your side, remembering her spiteful words well. You’ve won, but it had ripped open all emotional wounds, you don’t know what to do, know that you have proof of her treachery and lies. The relationship with the Avengers is tainted on both sides, not trusting or respecting each other is the biggest issue, you don’t know how to deal with that. You’re relationship with Steve hitting a death end, without it even truly having being started. A pang in your chest, assures you, you still have feelings for him. But can you trust him, can you let go of this and start over, can you just be you again?

Turning off the shower, you step out, looking at yourself in the mirror. The woman looking back as a slight glim of the woman you once were. Sure the fallout with Sharon, had given you back a piece of you. But it still hadn’t given back the confidence or guts to take a leap of trust. Touching your lips subconscious remembering the kiss between you and Steve, you can’t help but notice the burning in the pit of your stomach. Could you stay here and try to figure out this relationship, to let this relationship evolve into something more? You’d had to decide before the meeting.

While dressing you keep overthinking things and feel anxiety taking over. Walking towards the elevator you see Steve. Punching in the button for the sky room, you pray he won’t notice you in the elevator, really needing the time alone. Looking up, you see him staring at you, the slight smile on his face changing when he sees you’re panicked one. Not being able to be on time, he lets the elevator go up and jog towards the stairs. Giving you some time to settle and order your thoughts.

A sigh escapes your lips when you enter the skyline room. Thankfully nobody’s there and Steve didn’t follow you. When you had Sharon’s confession, things were clear and you figured you could move forward. That was before Fury talked to you. He made it clear that he anticipated this and that he tried to warn you 10 years ago. Knowing how stubborn you were, he made sure you were surrounded with the right people, so that when time came you had someone to lean on. The conversation went from “I told you so” in a dadlike miner, to “glad it’s over” and “were do we go from here”, conversation. Ending it with a proposition you hadn’t expected, the question still ringing in your head, “Do you want to leave the Avengers?”, you still hear Fury say. Did you? Was it time to leave the Avengers and start anew? Or would you stay here and try to mend what was broken? Tightening your grip on the banister, breathing in and out heavily, trying to get rid of this stupid anxiety, not noticing Steve stepping out of the elevator.

When a pair of warm strong arms wrap around your waist you snap out of your thoughts. Looking up, seeing Steve look down at you, a frown on his face, “What’s wrong?” he asks, worry in his voice.

“Just stuff I need to figure out on my own”, looking at him, “On my own,” you repeat, turning away from him. “y/n, I’m..-“, you interrupt him, “Sorry, I know, you’ve said it multiple times. Steve, I……you can’t just expect me to ignore what’s going on, what I’m feeling, what’s keeping me up at night and start dating you. It’s not fair to me, to you”, turning back around, facing him, seeing the hurt in his eyes.

“I know I will give you space, time to think and I will try and wait..” looking down, his shoulders sink in defeat, “I’m so..-“ you lay a finger on his lips, “Stop apologizing”, you tiptoe and give him a soft and quick kiss on the lips, he bents down, your forehead touching his. Having a silent conversation while you stared into each other’s eyes. You blink a few times, fresh tears forming in your eyes, his hand encircles yours. Entwining your fingers with his, capturing your lips in a soft desperate kiss. You want to pull away, before you lose yourself again, but can’t seem to. You can’t withstand the hunger inside you, when Steve whispers your name slowly, prolonging each letter as if to saver them, you give in. The kiss is hot and passionate, full of emotion and unspoken words. One hand around your waist, the other in your hair, pulling you closer to him. When you broke away, your heart’s beating fast. Searching his blue stormy eyes, you can’t seem to find what you want. “Steve, I..”, you start to say, but get interrupted by Friday announcing that the meeting is going to start. You let go of him and walk towards the elevator, the tall Avenger silently following you.

Lexi, Callie sit opposite from Natasha and Wanda. Both have a smug smile on their face, irritating the two female Avengers. “What are you smiling at”, Wanda asked through gritted teeth. “Oh, nothing, just you and your friends going to eat dirt soon”, Callie smiled smug.

“You want to eat dirt, then let’s go outside. I can arrange that!” Natasha stood up, gesturing for Callie and her to go outside, “Come on, let’s go then”, walking towards the door. The grin on her face fades, seeing Steve and you enter the room. “Sit down Natasha and shut up!” Steve commands. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, seems like the little bitch has you in her control again?” quirking an eyebrow, waiting for you to react. “We all got played, but not by y/n, so Sit Down and listen to Tony”, Steve answers looking at you and Bucky, seeing the hurt look on your face.

When you enter the room, Bucky smiles at you, standing up and embracing you in a hug, “Finally talked to the big guy?”, he asks, regretting his question the moment he looks you in the eyes. “Bucky, thank you, let’s just get through this meeting”, you give him a slight smile, “You did it, try to let it go, you’ve won y/n. I knew it”, you look at Bucky swallowing the tears in your eyes away, “Thank you, for believing in me. You’re the reason I get to close this”, you smile giving him another hug, before seating yourself. 

“Everyone, I would like to start the meeting”, Tony sighs, motioning for everyone in the room to sit at the table.

“It’s no secret that the team took a hit with everything that has happened. There’s a big trust issue and people are on edge in each other’s company. With lies, sabotages and misleading several people, agent Carter has managed to put a rift between our teams”, Tony looks around the table.

“Unfortunately some of you believed those lies and made work for y/n and her team living hell. Thankfully with the co-operation from Steve and y/n, we have agent Carter in custody”, Tony smiles looking at you, you did well, even if it took your last shred of sanity.

“What are you trying to say”, Natasha asks agitated, cursing under her breath.

“Sharon has trivialized the cooperation with y/n from day one. Manipulated the relationship between her and Steve. Turned us against her, and you fell for it hard”, Tony looks at Natasha, who’s rolling her eyes.

“You believe it yourself? Say something about it Clint. You’re the one who warned me about y/n. You’re very quiet, Clint, Come on, say something, make them shut up!” Natasha motioned for Clint to speak up.

“Natasha, it’s true”, Clint sighs, “I was a fool 10 years ago. I let myself be manipulated by her and used it against y/n. It’s my fault things got out of hand. When we started working with y/n, she managed to manipulate me again. I told you about those things, making me the instigator of your attitude towards her”, he continues, seeing the disbelief in Natasha’s eyes. 

“When y/n and I showed interest in each other, Sharon couldn’t handle this. She saw lying and sabotaging as the only option to keep y/n away from me. I’m not proud to say that she succeeded”, remorse in Steve’s voice, “I’m afraid that I have destroyed any possibility to make it up to her. I think it’s beyond repair”, swallowing hard, looking at you, you avoid eye contact with him. Hopefully you could give him another change.

“Natasha, Wanda, Sam, you need to apologize to y/n. She has always been loyal, not once showing mistrust. She always kept you save, even if you treated her this way. You’ve been manipulated by Sharon, just as Clint and Steve were, you need to acknowledge it,” Tony’s voice raised with every sentence he spoke, god damn, his team was so stubborn. 

Natasha looks at Tony with wide eyes, “Are you crazy or something?” she snarls, “I’m nog going to apologize to her, you’re nuts!”, standing up to leave, Sam stops her midway.

“Natasha think about it, it would confirm that gut feeling you had. You knew something was up, but couldn’t figure out what. After that first mission went wrong, we all said that it felt strange, knowing how accurate y/n team is. We let ourselves be influenced by Sharon. We are the ones who were wrong, you have to see that”, Sam looks at you, what did he do to you, “I’m sorry y/n, I know it’s not nearly enough, but I hope you see it as a start”, Sam says turning towards you.

“Thank you Sam, I appreciate the gesture. But it will take time to forgive you”, giving him a nod.

“Really Sam? How can you apologize to her? You know you can’t believe everything is said about her”, Natasha scolds. 

“Tony, I believe she needs proof, before this stubborn person can admit her wrongdoing”, you smile at Tony knowing what comes next.

“Friday, please play the footage of hanger 6, the one were y/n and Agent Carter have a standoff”, Tony commands.

Seeing the footage of you and Sharon, almost make Natasha and Wanda’s eyes pop out. Staring at you in disbelief, shaking their heads barely coping with the footage.

“So, is that enough proof for you Natasha?” Lexi asks smugly, a grin on her face. “You really think I believe that footage. I know you can temper with it very well, Lexi, you did it in Peru too. SO, no, not proof enough!”, Natasha replies barely holding her anger.

“Fine then, I didn’t want to do it, because I don’t want to take advantage of a team member’s abilities, but as seeing you’re not ready to accept the evidence”, looking at Wanda, who’s smiling at you, knowing what you want to ask from her, “Wanda, I think you know the real me, the one you’ve seen inside my head. It would have been the easy way, asking you to look inside my head and let you proof my innocents, but as I said already, I didn’t want to take advantage of your ability, seeing theirs no other way, would you do the honors and make our little widow see the truth”, you smile at Wanda, who’s nodding in consent, “Buckle up, little spider”, you smugly say to Natasha, before being engulfed in your own thoughts.

Al your memories, feelings and emotions are watched over Natasha, the memories flash hits her hard and so does her pride, “Where’s that bitch?” Natasha growls, looking flustered at you, “Easy there, she’s incarcerated in the Raft, you can’t get to her”, Tony explains. 

“Guess, I have to eat my words, huh”, Natasha looks at you, trying to analyze your reaction to her, seeing your blanc expression, she sighs, “Look y/n, I’m sorry, but I believed Clint and….” You interrupt Natasha, “There’s no but, Natasha, we know well enough you can think for yourself. I had expected more from you, seeing you ledger is red and you try to find redemption. Thanks for your apology, but we both know, you could have done something about those lies”, your replay caught her off-guard, shifting your position, you look at Tony, who nods. Standing up, taking the place next to Tony, you let out a shaky breath.

“Thank you, all of you, for believing in me”, smiling at your team, trying to keep your voice as steady as possible. “For keeping me grounded, even when it got though”, you look at Tony, “For helping me find my words and hear me out”, gesturing another thank you towards Bucky, “And for making the right decision, even if it was at the last minute”, you look at Clint, shaking off your nervous, you swallow the tears away, this was going to be hard, “But…as of tomorrow I will be transferring to a new team in Japan. I have resigned as analyzer for the Avengers. As of tomorrow, Lexi will be you’re new team captain and head of diagnostics…” your voice trembles, this decision was hard, but it was the best. Getting a surprised look from all the people in the room, you look towards Steve, “I tried my best, but it wasn’t enough. I need a fresh start and people who don’t know my backstory. I need to find myself. Don’t try to talk my out of it, I leave within an hour. So this our goodbye”, you finish as steady as you can.

“Are you sure, y/n? I think the team gets they screwed up. Give them time and they will trust you again”, Tony asks, you smile at him, “That’s the problem Tony, I don’t need them to trust me, but me to trust them. And I’m not ready for that. Thanks, but I think it’s for the better if I leave”, looking at the team in front of you, two years of your life, two fucked up years, years you’re willing to let behind you. It was time for a fresh start, you needed to find yourself again. You needed to find your ‘ikigai’ your reason to life and it sure wasn’t keeping the Avengers save, right? 


	12. Epilogue

Getting your last things into the car, you look back at the hanger. You had some fun times in there, but those fun memories are spoilt with all the bad once. She nearly destroyed you completely. If it had taken any longer, you would have...

You sigh the thought away, you’re going to make a fresh start and no negative thoughts were allowed. Looking at the dysfunctional family walking towards you, you shallow the lump in your throat away. Your heart is crying, leaving your friends behind, but you know that you need this new start. Sure they all showed remorse in their own way, they all learned their lesson, they all got played by her. Where she wanted you to drift apart, she made you come together in a way. Could you let them in again, trust them again, seeing Steve standing there, you smile. Could you trust him, let him in, dare to date him, maybe even love him. He promised he would try everything to make it up to you, to let you see, he’s sincerity. Staring into the distance, you don’t notice Lexi standing next to you. 

“You’re doubting your decision”, Lexi smirks at you.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you look at Lexi, “What make you say that?”

“You are staring into the distance for quite a while now”, she laughs. “You sure you want to do this”, giving you a concerned look.

A solid yes, escapes your lips, turning towards Lexi you lay your hands on her shoulder. “Lexi, I need to do this, I can’t stay, it already took so much from me. I need to find myself again. Yes, I’m going to miss you and Callie and Owen, all of you in some way. But if I stay here, I will stay living the live I had here”, you hug Lexi, “Let’s stay in contact okay. Don’t think about the time difference, call me If you need help, Lexipedia”, you wink at her and step into the cab. 

**\---------- 2 years later ----------**

“Moshi Moshi..” you pick up your phone, for it stays quiet on the other side of the line, “Hello, Dare ga soko ni imasu ka? Who’s there?” you ask.

“Y/N?” a voice says, in the back of your mind you recognize that voice.

“Yes, who’s this?....Bucky, is this you…?” you stand up and walk towards your bed, getting the gun from under your pillow, trying to analyze your surroundings. Was someone here, had something happened?

“Y/N….It’s…, we need your help, she’s on the lose.” The voice tells you.

“You mean…”, your stomach turns, when the voice interrupts you with a yes.

“You need to come back, we need your help. Lexi’s almost there, please…”, then the line is death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I would leave it like this ^_~...No way, they need to reconcille and come together, wright!?  
Anyway look out for my new story FREEFALL....coming soon on archive


	13. Notification

Hi there,

You thought it was finished? Well it isn't, but if you've read the epilogie, you probable guessed it would continue. Anyway, since of today, there's a new story called Freefall online. This story continues 2 years after 'Going Under' ended. 

So if you're interested you can follow the continuation of Steve and Reader, in Freefall: a sequel to Going Under! 

Bye,

ThisArtemisNeverMisses


End file.
